Gifted and Talented, Shoe sharing, Images of Angels and that damn falafel

No update last night... it was scout night, which since we are doing (ironically) healthy eating involved running up and down like a lunatic, cringing while letting the cubs use sharp implements for fruit faces and generally embracing my inner child. Unfortunately I forgot that next week is my week and I have to come up with an hour and a half in which to entertain, educate and keep the attention of a pack of boys with no budget. When I say no budget I don't mean of the un-limitlessness kind I mean NO budget...

Since it was fitness night and I own NO trainers I decided to embrace shoe sharing (note stole) and borrowed the boy childs shoes, which are marginally more stinky than mine!!! It does admittedly scare the living daylights out of my that I can wear my 12 year old child's shoes, I fear that we may indeed have to start ordering them in once he gets past a size 14 which is fast approaching at this rate. 

Work was work.... (YAWN) actually that's not fair I got out of the office and away from the ongoing form filling to spend a day with actual people... to fill in forms if I'm wholly honest but its more interesting than having my face in the computer all day. During all of this I was politely informed "thank god finally a real human SW" which I wasn't sure was a compliment or an insult but I smiled and drank my tea with added suspicious (but clearly not lethal) floaty bits in and swiftly changed the subject. Midday I took a break and went to get lunch and I have to confess that it took all my willpower to resist the most fantastic smelling sausage roll today... I'm not generally a fan but it was eyeing me up seductively and promising to be a taste sensation, luckily I saw through its veneer and had a good old cheese and onion sandwich instead... and a packet of hobnobs, pear drops, packet of Oreos, 3 Babybels (other cheeses are available) and a bar of marvelous creations... (anticipating a gain this week!)

Had to charge off for ridiculously scheduled parents evening for the boy child. I realise exactly what kind of mother I am on so many counts. Firstly I hate parents evening, there is something about going back into school and being made to sit on iddy biddy chairs that only half my butt fits on and waiting around for ages that makes me revert to the sulky stroppy teenager I once was (yes ok I'm the same now but legally an adult apparently) I roll my eyes, I sigh a lot and I develop the teen hunch in which I walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders and everything is too much damn effort. I hate it more when I have to go alone as Hubby is the only one who can remind me that I am a grown up and to act as such when attending parents evening. On top of this it is admittedly pretty poor that I cannot remember boy child's teacher and have to ask another teacher in the room, who looks at me like I am a sex offender and asks for ID before telling me. My first instinct was to just text boy child, but feared this would add to the distinct teenage air that I am already giving off. As I prepare to sit on aforementioned stupid small chair (and pray that it doesn't buckle with my weight) I am accosted by a teacher who says "boy child's mum?" - now I confess that my first instinct is to say NO and run for the hills but instead I do my best teenager in trouble mumble and grunt.

Now I have been to a good few years of these parent's evenings and I know how they go, they do all the talking and I nod and smile or frown and do disproving noises (dependent on which small person's parent's evening I am attending) and then we shake hands and I leave. That's the deal that it how it is supposed to work, this women clearly didn't get the memo and puts me on the spot with her first question "how do you think its going?" only adding to my newly found teenage angst... I mean what am I supposed to say, is there a right and wrong answer is this some test I forgot to study for? I'll just fess up now... and say I managed a humble and mumbled "...............mmmmmmmmmmm k?" complete with quizzical eyebrow movements... now teenager or no I cannot (and anyone who ever knew me knows this) handle silence; comfortable, awkward or other, so when I got no response I felt the need to fill this silence with utter inane rambling and guess work (seriously you could see the sweat running from my forehead like a small person about to get a detention I kid you not). Eventually the teacher (who clearly has some sadist tendencies) broke off my rambling to tell me that I have a gifted and talented boy child (natch) and that although he has some *ahem* social issues that he's doing really well. She then proceeded to tell me that she could see that he was my child (still analysing exactly what this means?) but that he was brilliant all the same (ahhhhhhhh). So I left feeling smug that I have not one but two amazing if socially awkward small people.

 Had highly amusing moment in which mother announced we were having pesto pasta for tea, which she proceed to cook before very sternly announcing "what the fuck is this shit?" now my mum who as a child never swore that I knew has clearly become comfortable with this adult relationship we now have. Also having lived with my mother for quite a while this year, I needed to cast around for some source of what exactly she was referring to. Again (clearly a day of confession) if you remember the great mustard making episode, you'll know that I made mustard and stored it in a pesto bottle. Yes I forgot to take the label off but I knew what it was, even if she didn't. She then stomped around my kitchen (impressive given the fact that you can realistically only do half a stomp in my tiny kitchen) blethering on about bloody stupid children and now what are we going to eat. (We had pesto with cream cheese which saved the day) Thankfully she is a taster of things otherwise we'd have all been subjected to home made mustard pasta; which since no one has touched said mustard since I made it, in the first place would have been a total disaster.

Have decided that this cooking thing is my new therapy, plus I have to sit all day in the office tomorrow and the idea of any more pie is just frightening. So I thought to myself in the way that I do.... oooh I know I'll make...

falafel

(on the basis that I can finally use up that icky ick ick that is supposed to be hummus from the weekend) 

Now I will say (and some of you will becoming familiar with my many interesting cooking techniques / fails) that I picked this recipe not only because I adore falafel but because in my head the recipe went... chuck everything in food processor, make into balls.... fry. COULD I be any more naive? No you have to whisk things, chop things, have stinky hands for probably a week, grate things, shove stuff in with other stuff and finally wildly improvise and substitute with things you don't actually have. (And we all know that my improvising has been SO successful thus far)

Also do not expect me to have nailed this one... I wouldn't like to set you up for disappointment...

^^^^^^ this is what we got, now again this was supposed to be a 3 minute either side jobby but I cooked it for 20 mins both sides because chickpea poisoning is a real thing people.. I suspect more people die from slipping on a chickpea that I dropped on the floor than from actually eating them but as usual I digress.. I can't say that from poor Hubby's face (who I tricked into thinking that this was his tea) that they are pretty (well the photo speaks for itself) or in fact taste any good. Although I have my own scale of food tastiness I do occasionally like to compare this to his reaction. When hubby put his head in his hands and start screaming "why why why?" I figured that they probably rank about a -4 

But I did based on my "Jar" theory attempt to make them pretty by shoving them in pitta and loading them with carrot. We'll see if I manage to actually eat them tomorrow at work...

Yes Yes dusting and cleaning blah blah (why do you think my mother lives here) but lookee what came, my Dr Who offical stand and figures. EPIC! I amused hubby while setting it up by playing time lords in the same way that the small people did with their Barbie's / action men as much smaller people and re-enacted a whole Who episode while giggling with what can only be described as mania. Hubby gently reminded me these are in fact models and not toys, but I gave him a look of disgust  before putting them in their rightful place. Boy child came in and commented on my toys to which I smugly and indignantly informed him that "they are models NOT toys" Hell I love being a grown up and a hypocrite....

Then I broke the ultimate angel law and took a photo (because they are my favourite) before remembering that the image of an angel becomes the angel of itself... so now you have to sit here for eternity looking at the angel because you can't blink... and it's all my fault. On a side note I have spent a good 30 minutes amusing myself at the idea of leaving this one in the boy child's room tonight because he would freak out and I could earn a good £250 from the video of that. But then I reminded myself that for today at least I am a mature and responsible parent...

Road Trips, Stash and The angels have the pie...

So yesterday we collected the mother... it seemed about time really given that the family were looking pained at the idea of any more of my cooking, the washing pile was huge and no one knew that dusting was a real thing... So hubby manfully drove us to Kent and as a treat I let him play rooster teeth without complaining too much, aside from when they dissed the IT crowd in which I got a little cross. We stopped at the services, which caused both myself and girl child the vegetarian conundrum of how to resist a Mcdonalds... but I am nothing if not the queen of loop holes so we settled for fries and a Greggs (other brands are available) cheese and onion pasty... and all was right with the world... I did get a little fidgety watching hubby eat a big mac... but I am a vegetarian who has conquered 7 whole days meat free....

Anyhoo... on the way back (because mum gets car sick) I sat in the back with the small people who wisely chose Saturday as their tech free day (since they knew they would spend most of it in the car and actually didn't really lose out on anything). Turns out the small people are actually quite amusing if not inappropriate.  For some reason boy child is not accepting of his mother's geek gene or ability, believing that I am a girl and therefore do not and have never played on a console in my life, know what programming is or even know how to do anything that he considers a technological advance. So it highly amused me when I was playing tetris (hey I never picked it as no tech day for myself!) he said oh you'll never beat that top score it's mine, in which I completely trounced him and his score and he sat with his mouth hanging open. I thought it only fair to explain that tetris is not a new game and that I had in fact been playing it in my youth. That kept him quiet for a good ten minutes (but I know as soon as he gets his hands on the DS he's going to spend a year trying to beat me). We resorted to singing because the adults (re: Mum and Hubby) were being all grown up and sensible in the front, turns out if we sing good enough Hubby opens all the windows in the car while driving down the motorway....

We also played eye spy - which for the record you should NEVER play with girl child because she is as random as her mother and does stupid eye spys like M for Molecule and RP for radiation poisoning. We then reverted to a good old round of ABC in which we invented countries that do not and have never existed and then MAMA (as in cooking mama) games that should be invented... some of my faves being created by boy child that included N for No one knows Mama (where Mama is kidnapped and locked in a basement and No-one knows where she is) and W for Who's yo Mamma (where you try and pick her up on a date) I couldn't do it justice if I tried... you had to be there really.

Then we got bored and took "selfies"

One of the many joys of having my mother home (despite all the moaning and despairing that has gone on since she got home) and have being been prepared for this, means that I got to do lazy Sunday stuff, while randomly shoving prepared food in the oven. I spent the remainder of the day watching Much ado about nothing (new favourite film for the record) Joss Wheedon Style, which naturally led to a firefly marathon.... while catching up on my stitching (life is perfect again)




I did upset hubby after my cousin donated her stash to me, by insisting on sorting out all of my threads all over the living room and discussing all manner of storage solutions (preferably of the non winding on bobbins because a) I am to lazy and b) my arthritic wrists won't tolerate it) but I am one happy bunny none the less...

  


Look look, The "the angels have got the pie" that I made on Friday was my Sunday lunch today, and it actually looks like it was supposed to! Had very proud smug dancing around the kitchen moment even if girl child hated it and it was a little spinach heavy... but I finally made something that looked like the picture (minus the Who and the heart shape but in essence it's not that far off the original picture) Plus I thought it was scrumlicious. Must remember next time to half the ingredients as I feel that we will be eating this pie for weeks and when I say we I mean me based on girl child's reaction (she is so going to break before the 33 days are up you should have seen her "chicken" face.... I asked her whether the pie was better or worse than the imitation meatloaf... she scored the pie as a 1 on the the scale of 1 to 10 and the meatloaf as a 2, Boy child based on this scoring system announced that he wasn't eating anything below a 6 so I suspect he won't be jumping on the vegetarian band wagon any time soon....

Now in honour of mum being home... I treated her to the above, apparently being down South she has become accustomed to biscuits and all other manner of crap. Well you should have seen her face, she was like a kid in a candy shop...

She didn't even wait for it to melt a little or to take the wrapper off.... I haven't heard from her since she delved into this pot, I am uncertain as to whether she has died in a peanut butter bliss overdose, or whether she is still chewing on the packaging....

Decided to make yummy packed lunches for next week and decided that if I am truly going to call myself a veggie then I have to at least attempt to eat the foul muck that is hummus

Hummous

But as usual why buy it when I can cock it up and make it at home? 

We won't even discuss the colour or texture, because if we do I'm not going to be able to force myself to eat this over the next week, what I will say in my hubby's own words is "that smells like cat poo and pee" (actually he was much ruder than this but I can only upset you readers once in a week and the jerking talk still haunts me)..... to be fair the smell is something gag worthy, but maybe it will be better at work tomorrow when I have no other choice but to eat it....

And finally in other news, one of my 33 things that I hoped would at least start with the be veggie for 33 days was the lose 33 pounds. WELL let me say that for all my moaning about living off carbs and cheese and I will state online that I weighed 12st10 at the beginning of the veggie week....

This ^^^^^^^ happened.... now as much as I'd like to pretend that that says 8st2 and a bit it in facts reads 12st 8 which is a whole two pounds off. (Yes I know I have manky feet). Now in the interests of fairness (and also desperate hope) I did weigh my phone separately to see if it would make a difference and I might have lost another pound... turns out according to my scales that my phone weighs nothing.... so no cheating there then. But I a very chuffed with a 2lb lost I think that's pretty dandy actually so only 31 more to go!!!

Friday's, Food obsessions and Jerking..

Now I will warn you before we proceed any further with the actual reading of today's episode that somewhere in this post there is much discussion on the small people's views on masturbation, so if this offends I recommend shutting your browser down now, if you are however brave enough to venture onward, for the love of you computer / phone / ipad / other technology do not take a drink when I venture onto this subject.. (provided I can do it in the justice it deserves)



It's FRIDAY thank god (who I'm still not sure if I believe in), because to be honest these week day things are really dragging themselves out... Now I often wish that I didn't do the job I do, because then I could amuse the entire world with my days without worrying about confidentiality and professionalism and all the other values and ethics that are involved in my job description. One day as I have promised the world, when I retire or change career I will write a journal about my experiences but while I want to keep my job I'll have to stick with vagueness... Lets just say that for all the media and people that hate Social Services and others that hate SW's and think that we do nothing or don't care, I would argue my case by simply stating (or not it is me after all) that I spent the majority of today running over various areas in the county (and as a general rule I do not run but I did today) getting into arguments (and I was still right) and generally attempting (while using unconditional positive regard) to improve the quality of life for an individual. After all of this I then came home and had a drink (a large one see above) because I will now even after 5pm spend the rest of the weekend stressing about what will happen for that individual....

So I'm going dawwwwwwwwwwn Souuffff tomorrow to pick up the mother, so I decided that since that will take the best part of a day that I couldn't be faffed having to cook when I got home, so I prepared mine and Alaska's Sunday lunch

Yummy Yum Yum

Now this is what we are aiming for, and aside from the fact I had no fennel, ricotta or polenta (and yes I did make hubby drive all over the village in an attempt to find these mystery ingredients) I actually followed the recipe for real this time...

See look its sooooo pretty..... Hubby ground the spices because my wrists are not playing today... could be the rain... could be the running....

So I successfully made this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^... and I am a freaking genius....

Into this ^^^^^

I am officially renaming it Who Pie, or Don't Blink Pie or (and this is my personal favourite) The Angels have the pie (yes yes only the Whovian's among you will get that one but trust me it's funny in its own right) and I'm feeling pretty damn smug about it actually.... Now I would do an epic fail moment (which I know we are all expecting) but until I actually cook it on Sunday we are going to have to chart it as a pretty okayish sucess... at least presentation wise right... if this pie was on dancing on ice or America's top model... it would totally be worth a 10. On the inside (which incidentally is bigger) we will have to wait until Sunday....

Now I consider this pie to be triumph not only in the 3 hours it took to cook but because during this


WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING

(If you didn't believe the original warning at the beginning of this post NOW is the time to look away)

I "may" (it's open to interpretation I was there you were not) have called the girl child a Jerk (she was being, trust me) which to my (I have no idea why) surprise Girl child responds with I'm not a jerk, I don't jerk, jerking is for boys. Now I would have in another life responded differently... but no NOT me, I asked what she meant by that.... and I still managed to make the pie..

Here is a brief transcript of the rest of the discussion... *shudders*

The Great Jerk Off (c) Tabitha King 2013 (or you couldn't make this shit up)

(characters as follows: girl child GC, boy child BC, hubby H and Tabs Me)

GC: you know jerking, its what boys do

Me: no no I don't know

GC: you know ejacyou thingy, where the stuff comes out

H: hang on a min, jerking that's when boys ejaculate is it?

Me: Let me get this right, jerking its only for boys is it?

GC: well yeah, girls don't have anything to jerk do they?

Me: (slightly uncomfortable) so we are saying this is a boy subject are we?

GC: well durrrr

Me: Over to you Hubby...

H: So your saying that Jerking is for boys are you?

GC (who does actions) well yes, they do don't they and then the stuff comes out and...

H: are you talking about wanking

GC: ERMERGERD

H: or masturbation? (god he's so grown up)

GC: Well they are all different innit

H: how so?

(Please note at this point I am making snorting noises and trying not to choke)

GC: well jerking is when they (insert hand movements here) and stuff comes out, wanking is like well I dunno and masturbation well ONLY boys do that...

H: So only boys masturbate?

GC: yes girls don't have anything do they

Enter BC

H: BC do you jerk?

BC: *goes very quiet and mumbles probably wishing he had stayed up stairs* Yes (I am guessing this is what he said based on reaction)

GC: ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting, oh I'm so glad I'm a girl and we don't do that kind of thing

Me: *much eyebrow raising and patting GC on the head*

H: GC boys may be the only ones who can jerk but everyone and I do mean everyone masturbates

*SILENCE*.

GC: even you?

H: Even me

GC: ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting!  I wish I hadn't started this conversation (oh god me too)

H: as you get older you will find these things out, but it's probably best not to take the playground talk too seriously

GC: (she can be a bit slow sometimes) so hang on... girls masturbate? how?

H: (finally looks uncomfortable) well you'll figure that out for yourself

GC: is this like fingering?

Me: *splutter*  (nearly dropped my weeping angel no pun intended)

GC: because there is NO way I'm putting my fingers anywhere near that... god when I grow up I'm NEVER going to do that... that is gross, gross... gross... oh how disgusting.

BC: Well girl's can't do that anyway... girls don't get pleasure, that's boys, that's why they do what they do..

(out of the mouths of babes people, and we wonder why men don't understand women??)

Me: BC I will remind you of this when you bring home a wife

GC: I refuse to believe that, any of that is true.... I'm going to wash my hands....

Which just leaves me to come to the conclusion that my small people are growing up too fast, there are finally some discussions that I am uncomfortable having, that my hubby is far more mature than I am, that my son is going to be a "typical boy" and my daughter sexually repressed or at least shouting ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting!   every time she "engages" with a member of the opposite sex (boy is she in for an education) and may develop an affinity for alcohol gel ... I am also concerned that I may not have heard the last of this conversation.....

Swiftly changing subjects I decided that it was time for veggie pizza... (see below which was again a triumph)... Butternut Squash / pineapple / red onion / sweetcorn / Mushroom and mozzarella....(if you were wondering and still trying to recover from the above part of my blog)

Selfies, Mushroom wars and the end of silent treatment

Reasons NOT to lend girl child borrow my phone... These are just two of the "selfies" that she decided to take and use up my phone memory with, that in itself I can live with apart from the fact I've spent the entire day trying to work out exactly what is wrong with my camera and why my pictures are all the way they are, just now she informs me (while peering over my shoulder at my blog in case she should appear in it) that she left the filter on....

Turns out this vegetarianism thing goes to your average meat eaters head... that or those mushrooms are seriously funky... Girl child and I got into a highly amusing (at the time) mushroom war in which I cut faces into her mushrooms (because I am a good mother like that) and then she gave them voices and protested their rights not to be eaten. At the time I was additionally chopping up mushrooms for my lunch and so her mushroom face was apparently distraught by this and began crying (I did mention I'm a good mother right?) so I retaliated by cutting off his "face" and eating it. Thus ended the mushroom rights debating society!

I should point out that I am still deaf, and that once again I didn't hear any of my alarms and woke up on the stroke of late. I am still amazed at my self skill to shower, brush my teeth, cuss excessively, half fall down the stairs while pulling my tights on, shout at boy child, loose my keys and purse, grab my lunch and make it out of the door all in the space of five minutes. Boy I'm going to miss that skill in later life. So I make the morning drive to work up the motorway with Green day blaring at the sound of jungle drums and elephant wails when a little (and I say little because of the hearing loss) voice piped up and announced I needed to turn left... Now in my experience of driving to work up the aforementioned motorway it is pretty much a straight line, no left turns required, on top of this my phone has been giving me the silent treatment since I dropped it in my birthday tea so I was pretty sure it wasn't Mr Siri (or as I like to call him Mr Sex Voice On A Phone MSVOAP when I can't be bothered to pronounce it in full). I did get a little concerned at this point that maybe I had smuggled one of the small people on board or that like in those horror movies a mass murder had climbed into the back while I was loading the boot with all my crap. Well there is nothing and I mean nothing like being late for work, with little voices becoming more insistent that you turn left and fearing that your going to have to pull over, be marched into the Forrest (there isn't one on the M5 but you know what I mean) and brutally murdered by an unidentified person. Now as most of you will know I'm not the most confident of drivers (well parkers) at the best of times, and nothing in either my driving test, or road safety manual prepared me for these kind of events. So I applied the rule of logical thinking, keep driving with all the windows fully closed, blast up the heat and hope that whoever is in the back will dehydrate, pass out and I can deal with it when I get to work. Which is exactly what I did.... and probably the reason that I now am the proud owner of a stinking cold. Obviously on arrival to work when the voices had stopped I cautiously peered into the back to discover nothing but the pile of shoes I always have in there. So I assumed that it was just a voice on the CD (since hearing voices in my head is not something I readily admit to) went to my meeting in very professional inside out cardigan, shoes on the wrong feet manner. Only to realise half way through VERY important meeting when a much louder voice announced TURN LEFT at the next exit that my phone had indeed decided to start talking to me again. Much relief washed through me, even though I wanted to die of embarrassment, because explaining that I thought there was a murderer in my car in a professional meeting is just not the done thing. (I did it anyway so that about sums up my morning)

(stupid filter)

Still sticking with this salad in a jar thing, which is still pretty and if I'm honest it does make me want to eat salad way more than if I had just shoved it into my lunch box and then looked at it all sad when it was time to be eaten. Discovered apple trees at work that were dropping apples all over the floor, which made me sad because they would just go to waste, I pondered for a while about whether it was "socially" acceptable to pick them up and take them home for apple pie, so much so I had to get confirmation from my facebook buddies that it was OK, before filling two carrier bags full and screw anyone who thought I was mad.... it's not mad its frugal and apples cost a lot more than free in the store (well unless your my mother who thinks five finger discount is an excuse at her age).

Got the odd feeling that I was being given the silent treatment at work this afternoon, call me paranoid (paranoid) but there are somethings deaf or not I can pick up and being ignored and yet talked about is one of them. Four whole hours it took for me to work it out, and when I say work it out I do not mean in a detective Miss Marple / Jessica Fletcher / Diagnosis murder kind of way but because an email arrived in my in tray which was clearly a discussion about my "potential leaving" between admin lady and my boss, only admin lady had "accidentally" sent it to the rest of the team. Was I pissed? you freaking bet your ass I was... I wanted to take those bags of apples and shove them up certain people's asses among other places (that have yet to be invented) but that solved that, so now I'm just going to work from home for the next half a year until I change job, then they can all ignore me to their hearts content...

Decided that I didn't have the effort to actually make two meals or the effort tonight (also realised that photo filter makes my cooking look way better) so I made baked bean lasagna, or as this picture evidences cheese with a few beans... it was yum but I feel the need to do some more research on the cooking front because so far my entire existence as a veggie involves carbs and cheese... so when I weigh in on Sunday I'm really not expecting a loss of any kind...

Hubby decided that my jokes about his hair hurt his feelings (awwww) and ruined all of my fun by having it cut.... this is no means the best picture of him, because now he looks like a Thunderbird (well I always wanted to be Penelope)  and can I add that yes he is in fact wearing a penguin onesie because hes just that damn cool.

and finally a review of the list....

1) Have pole dancing lessons... To do
2) Go to theme park To do
3) Make own clothes To do
4) Learn to love self... To do
5) Go paintballing To do
6) Write book and blog... To do
7) Lose 33 pounds... Weigh in on Sunday.... not likely
8) Grow hair Well I haven't cut or coloured it since my birthday so so far its going great guns :)
9) Learn to reverse park To do
10) Go on actual holiday To do
11) Buy new furniture We have new to us sofa so this is done (YAY ME)
12) Get butt flush Based on the vegetarianism effect I may not actually require this 
13) Go back to university Aha now I didn't exactly mean this when I said it, but I am a student of Bournemouth university and getting real university credits towards a masters and I do have a student ID card so I think this is kind of covered?
14) Drink 33 different drinks Vodka / Blue WKD / Red WKD (still a way off then)
15) Grow 33 fruits and veg To do
16) Learn to cook Believe me I'm trying my best here
17) Meet Brilliant To do
18) Quit smoking... Stoptober (again) I think I may have to revise this to quit smoking since Octobers nearly a write off!
19) Play more games To do
20) Save ( money not games) To do
21) Have sex 33 times To do (and not all at once)
22) Win Man vs. food challenge To do
23) Read 100 books To do (I nearly finished a whole one)
24) Change job In progress :)
25) Watch 33 or more epic films as decreed by Leelou & Dann To do
26) Own Converse To do
27) Sort out mum In progress, we have dentists, hospital and job interviews all in the next week
28) Do lots of RAKING To do
29) Have kitten To do
30) Glamp (with Essex accent) To do
31) Be Veggie - 33 day minimum Day 4 people day 4
32) Be Cultural x 3 (or more) To do
33) Get 33 different catchphrases ( and record them on video) After last nights gogglebox I'm really feeling that Bonzo is going to have to be one....

Going deaf, gossip (secrets and lies) and respite...

It comes to something when not only your moods are cyclical but so is the behavior of your own body. Last night in a fit of smugness I stole hubby's side of the bed (way more comfortable) while watching Jonathon Creek (hey I ran out of the Dr and he says he can't handle another marathon... amateur!) and announced that I was changing all the noises on my alarms to prove both him and girl child wrong and that I can in fact get up on time (If I choose). Turns out I can't but also in fairness just like last year I have gone completely deaf in one ear.... last year this was a complete disaster and I ended up agreeing to things that it took me a month to work out why the hell I said yes to them in the first place... this year it means I didn't hear my fresh shiny new alarms, I am not confessing to what time I actually got out of bed but will refer to it as shit and fuck o clock (but only because I had a visit while wearing black shoes) and interestingly it took me a whole hour to work out why everything was so quiet and why exactly people were looking at me as I drove through various sleepy villages with my windows open and radio at 66 (66 I discovered today is as high as it goes)...

Did visit in which I probably shouted at the poor guy, but I did remember to put the right shoes on so that went considerably better than yesterday, have no idea what was said but everyone was smiling when I left, do worry slightly that I may regret that when I get my hearing back but hey positivity is the name of the day, after this I felt the need to spend a lot of money on cake, turns out being a vegetarian makes you hungry all of the time, so I caved and brought every variety of Halloween cake possible (and yes I did consume an entire packet of lemon and slime Jaffa cakes.... try them people they are ridiculously YUM) which relieved some of my shopping desires.

Had horrible afternoon of work, decided to do the typical "Tabs" thing (no not throwing a TABS / strop) but I can handle this lets conquer some daemons and prove everyone else wrong... turns out I can do shit I say I don't want to / think I'm not strong enough for, but equally there are direct consequences including sobbing (I think I mentioned this before but when it comes to my emotions you are OK to be around me when I'm merely crying but clear the decks when the sobbing starts) on the kitchen floor, eating the entire pantry worth of chocolate / crisps / jaffa cakes / crap and then feeling bad all over again....

Turns out there are distinct advantages to being (I hope) temporarily deaf.. for example boy child was definitely banging on about money but gave up after the seventh WHAT? and girl child was highly impressed by my interested and attentive listening about why such and such wasn't her friend anymore because of x y and z and also why Mr so and so shouldn't teach whatever subject it is that he teaches...  hubby isn't home yet but I suspect I can fool him too...

Rang the mother and announced that the house was filthy (it is), that the washing needed doing and that quite frankly the family were looking pained at the idea of eating anymore meals "prepared" by my fair hands...on this basis girl child needs to be prepared to give up some bed space as I am going dawwwwwwwwwwwn souff on Saturday to pick up my mother / house keeper / restorer of my sanity...

Decided because I just can't be arsed, to give the family respite from my creative cooking and am sticking with the tried and tested burgers (veggie for me and girl child natch) and chips and mmmmmmmmmm mumion rings (real word for onion rings peeps cos they are both oniony and nummins at the same time) although I am fast becoming at a loss as to how these vegetarian types are so thin, because my current staples involve carbs (fine chips) and cheese....

In other news I told my boss that I was potentially leaving on Monday (not leaving on Monday but that I would be eventually) and received a gazillion (okay 6) emails about why was I leaving, am I mad; which is proof that in the land of SW gossip and rumor spreads faster than herpes (I have no actual statistics for this and based on the behavior of a lot of my colleagues I may actually be wrong), this only irks (oooh I really should use irks more good word) me because one individual in particular wanted an entire breakdown of why and what and how so she could be the holder of information to increase her popularity. Sometimes it is exactly like being in school only I had no friends then or information to share, so I'm guessing here. A dear friend said I should just have replied with "I'm leaving because of you" but even in my deaf pissed off and frankly emotional state I decided that maybe I should leave the insulting people until I actually hand my notice in

Additionally Hubby has "styled" his hair and looks like Steve Carrell.... I can't look at him and take him seriously since as a beet grower this would make me Dwight (Office US reference people)

Notice, waste and frugalness...

Mmmmm today, well today I woke up and realised I was still alive... which is apparently a good thing, then I remembered that I'm about to quit my job (AGAIN) start off on a whole new set of adventures (I'm sure I must be part traveler and not the time lord kind) and that I'm still a vegetarian (and yes it is only officially day two)

Went to new job to hand in all my official paperwork and to discuss all the terribly grown up stuff like terms and conditions (it's amazing how sometimes I even fool myself when I'm pretending to be grown up) and to show interest etc, before going to a visit. Visit was total disaster when visitee announced that I would have to come back tomorrow since I was wearing black shoes and they could only be worn on Wednesdays, I should have expected it really, people have been coming up with this kind of stuff ever since I became a SW, this was evidenced yesterday when I sat in a staff room because the manager was running late, and you have never seen a room empty so fast, I appreciate that my vegetarian demeanor means I'm a little shall we say windier than normal but I got the distinct impression that it was my job title that cleared the room.

Turns out that although I have only been in my current job for less than 3 months, I still have to give 3 months notice to leave, which essentially means I'm not starting the new job until well after Christmas, this annoys the heck out of me because I am already ready to leave and I can't even give notice before the official offer comes which means that we are probably looking at 5/6 months in reality. I am hoping that because its internal that the old and new boss will figure something out, but then this is my life so it's unlikely. On the other side of it at least I won't be the outcast because I'm new at the mandatory and inevitable Christmas Party I'll just be the outcast and deserter at this jobs party instead... so really nothing new there then!

Worked from home for the rest of the day in my onesie, lounging all over new sofa which is ridiculously snug, is it just me that remembers the cup a soup adverts where the chair sort of grows around the person giving them a hug... well that is what my sofa's are like.

Boy child in the way that only he can came home and said "do you want the bad news or the good news?" I looked at him in the way that mothers do, and so he announced that he got a ninth of a detention today for throwing a glue stick at someone. I wasn't really sure what to do with this information, what the heck is a ninth of a detention, is it the equivalent of a fifth of vodka (dare me to drive, see I can be down with the kids and Eminem even if I did think for ages he was m&m like the sweets) or something? Also because it's boy child I had to fully investigate why he needed to throw glue sticks... I actually tuned out after I asked this because it was apparent after five minutes of him waving his arms around (I wonder where he gets this from) and saying how it was not "technically" his fault that I was in for a long explanation. On the good news front he is now in the "gifted and talented" stream for maths (which he clearly doesn't get from me) which as is always the way with him left me in the difficult position of whether to scold him or praise him, so like the chicken I am I left it to hubby.

Girl child who has decided that she's also joining me in the vegetarian challenge, looked a little green at the gills when I announced tonights delight was veggie chilli (I give her the remainder of the week before she breaks) however when she realised the boys were having taco's she put a brave face on it, while it wasn't the worse thing I have ever eaten (and I am using the lettuce soup scale of yuck for this) I do accept that I may have over done the chilli, apparently 5 cubes of frozen chilli is a little on the hot side... so we did consume an entire tub of fromais frais along with the chilli.

Now my biggest issue in this house is waste, it drives me insane, (okay a little bit madder than I usually am) so the question is how do we change this ^^^^

into this ^^^^

and by this I am of course referring to an empty pan. No I have not secretly been training as a  magician (even if that film with them in was spigging awesome) and no I did not throw it in the bin, but I am a bloody Genius, okay fine the internet and Google is a genius (plus this is just another way to torture my mother) I made pasties... or as I like to call them "how to make people eat stuff they didn't want to eat before it was a pastie" (c) Tabitha King 2013

See how they got bigger in size as I realised just how much chilli I had left over... I made six and I froze them, so now (hint hint) I really do need a chest freezer because I filled ours with veggie leftovers including but not limited to the imitation meatloaf. I did learn the difference between open freezing (which I totally skipped) and freezing and accidentally dropping one on the floor (I am calling this one a pizza pie, yes yes I know its not but boy child will probably fall for it), still have not come up with a solution for all the mushrooms yet!

Ah well onwards and upwards I guess...

Catching up, Vegetarianism take 2, new jobs and all things food...

Don't worry I haven't fallen off the writing bandwagon. I just had a hectic few days and no time to catch up...

Where to start... oooooh okay NEW JOB... (yes Tabs really can have three different jobs in the space of a year)... did crazy interview a few weeks back that I thought I had completely fluffed when they asked me the world's easiest question (no not what's your name) and I just didn't know the answer (well until I left the interview)... SO they rang and said lots of stuff that made me think I wasn't getting the job... which to be fair I didn't get but they offered me a better one instead, so completely made up and over the moon. I know I said I wanted a changed but turns out you have to leave a work place situation to really realise your passion and the team that I am in has taught me that, so its back to what I know and love, finally knowing that I love it.... Have to work out the icky stuff like going to work when I know I'm leaving and cleaning up my cases etc but pastures new.

Went on training which Hubby then suffered for, as you can always tell when I have been on training as I get all inspired or as those around me say annoying and argumentative. We covered the human rights act (which I already know) but it got me all passionate about having human rights and how we use them, to which hubby (and you think he'd know better) informed me that Human Rights were a lot of stuff an nonsense... lets put it this way he soon took it back when I informed him I was taking away to freedom of torture and was going to pull out his toenails one by one....

I spent the weekend at a friends house, catching up and doing girl stuff including partying in my fabulous shoes. I haven't worn my Alice shoes in a few years so I am feeling all inspired and like I need to be painting myself some new (okay old) ones.... Had a lovely time and was spoilt by her kids who let me do fun stuff like colouring and making cakes and reading the gruffalo and hairy maclary... the kind of stuff my small people won't let me do any-more.. Fell of the vegetarian wagon when I was drunk (not with children that was later)

Decided today to start my vegetarian count again to be true about following 33 days worth of it.... Last night girl child announced that she wanted to do it too, so we have a bet on how long she can last...

So today I took lunch to work, or salad in a jar, now I like the ethos behind this even though it was a faff to make. Salad people is boring, no matter what Jamie O says about cooking lettuce (hah tried that) and washing your greens it just is.... so stealing the idea from many a website / blog (google it you'll find something) I made my own... the idea being that if it looked pretty I would want to eat it... TRUE fact people... it was pretty and scrummy and I did want (and in fact did) to eat it....instead of my usual lunch that I look at, throw in the bin and then go scavenging in the cafe for overpriced food... so total success all round... Hubby is concerned that I may try and make all my meals in jars and began making random jokes about baby food etc...

Turns out that this cooking marlarky takes up a lot of your free time, but I did make Imitation Meatloaf (meaning its mushed up lentils and the like so nothing like a meatloaf)... Now boy child will count this as a fail (because the idea of eating any kind of bean pulse or vegetable is disgusting) but I'm quite pleased with this in that apart from a very enlightening cooking lentils experience.. (the idea being that when they are done you mash the lentils but mine were already mush so I didn't need to) and think I did a pretty "nifty" job..

What we were aiming for

not meatloaf

And actually it was very nice....not like meaty or in fact loafy but nice, (okay I covered it in vegetarian gravy and froze the rest) but it was genuinely not offensive. Now I'm not sure if this means I'm improving on my cooking skills or whether I'm just so hungry that I'll eat anything.. Girl child did comment on why we couldn't just exist on chips and cheese like normal non meat eaters, but I just applied the tried and tested method of "la la la I can't hear you"

In other news I got a new sofa... (well new to us) which definitely covers the buy furniture part of my 33 things... It came with different coloured covers so I may have to mix it up as this photo makes it look really sterile in my living room (it isn't) plus one of the covers is blue so I can totally find a way to patchwork on some Tardis's or something Dr. Who related.... may have to do this on a week where hubby is away just to reduce and minimise the inevitable temper tantrum (him not me) if I actually do this, also have to actually reshuffle the front room to accommodate them a bit better...

Other than that nothing much doing, it's that time of year where I feel like I'm riding the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows, with no real pattern to the ensuing madness. I have to remind myself to keep doing stuff to at least try and make me active and interested and that includes the blog, otherwise I'll fall into bed and not come out again. I saw a great post on facebook that pretty much sums up the achievement that getting out of bed sometimes in itself is, and that other "normies" with their perfectly functioning moods don't understand. In true style I can't find it but it did make me smile...

On that note, I have to recommend this blog Aliceatwonderland which I am counting as my daily reading ;)