How to be a member of my household, health care, tears, and kissing girls...

I have decided in order to summarise what is going on in this household to develop one of the many popular flowcharts that are so popular on facebook right now... yes you got it, this is your one opportunity to work out which member (if any) of my household you could really be... if you rank of any of these then please accept my apologies and if you are a hunger games fan a nightlock pill to be used at your discretion.


I appreciate some of this will require some explanation... but for a guide pre explanation I also created these helpful and somewhat accurate images:



^^^^^ a guide to choledocal cyst pain



^^^^ Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) VS broken toes



^^^^^^  How to be a member of this household

^^^^ How to be a FEMALE (or strong person) of my household...

Explanation or in the style of an science experiment in high school:

Introduction:

In this blog post I shall highlight the various symptoms and health problems of the King Love household and the reasons that 2014 has thus far sucked. I shall do this via photos / drawings and explanations

Hypothesis:

I predict that you cannot be a member of this household without a) developing some random or multiple condition and that b) you will be able to learn about health / treatment / medicine by osmosis

Method:

I shall observe and treat all five members of my household including and not limited to myself and report my findings over a two week period.

Findings: (Al la David Attenborough)

Man Child / Hubby: Has serious addiction to the US series of the office. Decides to watch the episode in which they develop their own personal styles of Parkor Gossip. He thinks this is hilariously funny and decides to parkor his wife (AKA me) around the bedroom... I will confess that in his random act of fun that this was both hilarious and dangerous since I nearly wet myself laughing when he all but knocked himself out on my shoe chest. Following day in which he was due to fly to Scotland (yes he is too posh to drive) he announces severe back and shoulder pain - four days later he is still best friends with the supermarket trolley and any pain killer he can get his hands on.

Boy child: Has girlfriend who is apparently far more interested in him that he is her. She actually goes as far as to buy him chocolates and an anniversary card after one week of them dating.... today he has coldsores... which he is miserable about when I told him no more kissing... word to the wise do not use any towels in my bathroom at present..

Nonna / Mum: Not content with girl child receiving all of the attention has decided to fully embrace Rheumatoid arthritis condition by developing cankles, swollen legs and apathy. Insists that she is a fully independent lady while singing "should have put a ring on it" 

Which when you know she can't in fact wear a ring on it is ironic. Also insists that I measure every single part of her body so that we can keep a log. Apparently I am not allowed to take the piss out of her fat legs and cankles.. but in the interests of science...

Also has broken own toe in bid to not work and illicite more sympathy (get out of the tea rota) current mood agressive / dragon like avoid at all costs.

Girl child: 

Generally pissed off after night of excruciating pain and possibly sleeping with my mother who farts as well as snores (sorry mum but I have to record fact in the name of science) Still has weeping sores (ewwww) and generally pissed off with the medical profession. Despite being worlds healthiest eater is cross that now has to follow low fat diet and cannot eat ice- cream (insert rage here), feeling angry enough to write a self help guide for teenagers. Made me cry because she was so sad / angry / pissed

Me: Apathy and full education in nursing. Have discovered that previous blood phobia is singled down to just gushing blood. Have learnt significant amounts about wound care, pus, arguing with health professionals, not retching and basically being a grown up. Bi-polar / depression put on back burner because when 2 out of 3 females in the house cry its hard not to join in. Also medication expert. Has to avoid current pharmacy for fear of suspected hypochondria  / munchausen's by proxy.

Have been forced to abandon single bed status by sleeping with girl child - this is both fun because we watch the hunger games in bed and say how it is so not the same as the book and not fun because I am frightened to move for fear of busting open girl childs stitches



^^^^^ yes we really are this glam in real life (we do autographs for a fee)

hubby had a birthday in which mum and i had to put together an emergency cake - trust me when I say that we googled easy birthday cakes for boys (LIE) and it came up with lego cakes... we spent an entire DAY swearing - well ok mum ate all the chocolate fudge and I smoked more than the government allowance to create this:




No it wasn't our finest moment but we reached the dont give a shit quota by the time we presented it to him:



Hes not usually this blurred but actually given the state of his cake this is probably an improvement on the fake "I LOVE IT" face he was forced to wear...

In conclusion for the whole month it is apparently SOCIAL WORK month, which I am proud of and love the below image since 99 % of my family and friends say "dont social work me"

BUT... I am supposed to be starting my new job in two weeks and right now I just don't see it happening....