LDOW (last day of work) no parade no celebration of me and cotton bud aversion...

So on my last day I actually made an effort, and by effort I mean I allowed both girl and boy child to stand by my bed chanting ridiculous songs and rantings and possibly enchantments about HOW and WHY one should get her ass out of bed on a Friday... Did official body check (limbs in tact still not dead) fell out of bed (loudly) and chuntered about the damn unfairness of it all. Spent 20 mins checking self out in mirror (17 minutes of which checking out zit and deciding to just leave it alone since it clearly intends on world domination and the less I know about its plans the better) remaining 3 minutes spent working out whether I could lob (real word) talc into my hair call it dry shampoo and rock up to work - note to self epic failure just went grey and Einstein looking but without the Eureka moment.

Being deaf sucks, I don't think people realise how much stuff happens when you can hear, my driving which is abominable at the best of times (just ask my previous students) is well completely off if I can't hear what's happening on the left side of me - even worse when it's taken me more than two days to work out that actually it's the right side I can't hear.... Seriously you people the things you take for granted like walking in a straight line, understanding anything any one says and other hearing related issues...I have no idea what anyone at work said to me today but given that there was no parade no party no celebration of the me I don't really care.... I spent at least an hour reading RED magazine in which I learnt that in no way am I a) thin b) young c) fashionable or d) Middle class, what I did learn was that journalists make apologies when they become mums, that it's okay to be frugal so you can spend triple figures on a pair of jeans (nah ah) and that it's okay to start the month with the posh stuff (fish fingers and peas) and to be  down to the 11p noodles by the end of the month (turns out this is a posh persons dilemma too,,, in fact they only go to waitrose ((other supermarkets are available))) for the free coffee,,,)

Home life is completely disastrous and I would discuss it further if I didn't live in fear that some professional other than me would swoop and abduct my children (message me if you know anyone stupid enough to do so) let's just say that the King household is not the funhouse one would expect it to be....but one plus note I can't hear half the arguments that are going on.... Proof of this is when I thought mum said to look for the blackboard but actually she meant gauze.. Bad news is that when watching ones favourite program (goggle box) one does not have a clue what's going on and I have it in good authority from both girl child and hubby that the subtitles replace rude words like bollox for ball testiclres and fuck for poop (I intend to test this when hearing enabled) 

Went to chemist and it's a and sign when the woman laughs and says wow your becoming a regular... I wanted the ground to swallow me up... So then I have to explain how I made myself deaf, while possibly yelling at her because I can't hear myself let alone anyone else which kind of makes me want to wilt away to nothing... To be fair if she laughed I don't have a clue so she must have done it quietly until she shouted that I was clearly so far gone that olive oil wasn't going to save me and sold me some devil / satanic brew that came with warning and toxic radiation labels. I made mum administer this but so far aside from the weird my brain is falling out my head sensation nothing actually happened... Well aside from getting closer to my mothers lady garden than a 33 year old woman ought to and demanding that girl child read aloud to me.. (I love her but big does she have monotone out loud reading)  apparently  when the fizzing starts this is good...

Not a lot else to say today...