Now one of my 33 things was to not faff with my hair, cut it or the like, seemed like a simple task right? No biggie just let it grow and allow it to fall in tumultuous locks like a brunette Goldilocks and be able to finally swish my hair like the girls in shampoo adverts with a smug look at me and my hair way. Finally my less than average looks were going to be improved with what my mother informs me is my crowning glory. People would stop and stare in the street at this great beauty with the amazing hair. I have NEWS people.... people are staring, people do stop, and then they whisper loudly behind their hands and say things like "is she trying to look like the mad one out of Harry Potter? or "should we call the mental hospital?" or "Good grief (I live in the village where grief is good.) it's cousin IT"
My hair has decided that it is sick of growing down, you know like with the flow of gravity like normal people's hair. Oh no, not my hair, my hair has decided to grow outwards at an alarming rate. At the risk of sounding extremely crass, it's been like this since Nelson Mandela died, so I can't decide if it's like sympathy hair that wants to be an Afro or just that it is mourning the loss of a great man and is trying to be great in it's own right...
My hair above, it has looked like this every morning. Gloss over the eyebrows I don't do eyebrow management without a lot of vodka and people that are prepared to sit on me - true story. Also bear in mind that this is my morning face. Now again IF I had been at it all night (and when I say at it I of course mean making pom poms and envelopes and nothing else) I could handle this hair. Mum says that clearly I have a lot of nightmares, and that if I don't then with this hair I should. I'm not sure if she is being offensive or helpful but it is mum so being uncertain is just part of my daily existence. Hubby made a lot of comments but with his current curl weird not working for a month shabby chic approach to his hair I refuse to take his opinion on board. Additionally there was a nasty moment in which I tried to clean out my ears and got a cotton bud stuck in this hair (I have done you a favor by not detailing the entire incident trust me)
Now I wish I had sought advice from my hair dressing friend BEFORE I decided to tackle the hair and brush it and put it a bow in it. The bow being because a) bow ties are awesome (FACT) but also because b) you can overlook anything with a bow on it.
this is what happens when I brush my hair and put a bow in it. (We are still not discussing the eyebrows people). Hairdressing friend took the piss and asked why I didn't ask her advice. I'm not going to even comment on hindsight or because I am an ass. I have had to walk around like this ALL day because there is nothing else I can do with it. Hubby tried to comb it and it got bigger, I thought about washing it but the idea of not be able to get out of the shower because my hair was so big genuinely frightened me. Hubby in his wisdom asked SIRI what my problem was. SIRI had a LOT to say about my hair and not a lot of it was polite. After being insulted by a speaking robot and hubby who had a good laugh about the whole thing, they determined moisture and protein were my problem. So I ate my body weight in Jaffa Cakes and Chocolate. Sadly I have to report that my hair is still the same. As I have to go into the office tomorrow and it is wear a horrid jumper to work, I am simply going to wear horrid jumper on my head and call it a hat.
Christmas is fast approaching and since I like to get all crafty and make a mess all over the house I stole the snowman making idea and made a snowman or three. Now for once I actually managed to follow an internet tutorial that promised to be easy and it was. There were no disasters (well there was the throwing the rice all over the floor but that was my fault not the instructions) and I managed to produce these little guy's Admittedly I didn't have any white socks or elastic bands, so I made elastic band tights and used tubi-grip which works just as well!
Snow people <==== Just in case you want a go, but they are addictive, do not hold me responsible if you have no socks for the remainder of winter!
Then of course mum decided she had to have a go, but also gave me a lecture about how "everyone in this house has to listen to your equality bollox and then you go and make white snowmen, I mean what kind of messages are you giving out?" I did roll my eyes and state that snowmen being made of snow kind of don't give allowances for equality because you wouldn't want a brown snowman would you? She then actually accused me of "piffle waffle" before demanding we sit down and make equal opportunity snowmen or coal men (which gives rise to even more connotations)
I have to confess that this guy is actually my favourite!
Mum's snow baby, after this we had to cease because we had no rice or pulses left and Hubby was making rude gestures about us using his socks next. Also turns out for all mum's spiel about equality was just because she wanted to use up the odd socks from the washing she couldn't match up!!!
In other news, since I appear to be about product placement and recommendations and also about yellow sticker shopping. (Reduced people reduced) I decided that in the spirit of Christmas that Finest luxury gold salted caramel tarts would be a thing of great beauty and wonder. A taste explosion if you will...
Lets just say I'm glad I made mum go first. If I were to make a poster it would read like those old drug adverts (not the ask Frank he would just say hell no!) but JUST SAY NO to Finest luxury gold salted caramel tarts, because even at 70p heavily reduced they are not the kind of explosion that you require in your mouth at any time ever!
Finally with seven days to go, no I have not done my Christmas shopping, no I do not feel festive or motivated but I do NEED a pom pom maker for all my pom pom making requirements and I have created about a squillion envelopes even though I have no intention of posting anything ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment