Four day working, water less offices, the hot crazy scale and critical reflection.

So the hair sitch appears to be under control, for today at least but this may be because I woke up at 8.50am with 10 minutes to spare before being officially late. Hubby was already awake as he is off work and was woken by the 17 alarms that I slept through. He did the fake I'm awake but pretending not to be thing, but the kitten gave him away by chasing his feet around the bed until Hubby gave in and screamed in pain. You know in a wholly manly way (I wouldn't want to be responsible for demasculating him in my blog). I digress as always so I dealt with the hair by having a shower and forcing said hair into a clip so that if it dried (it didn't) it couldn't possibly expand further than the clip. In hindsight it probably could have and then my clip would have flown off, potentially blinding someone and resulting in my getting sued. (It is my life after all) however the god of mishaps clearly decided that for one day only it was my day off.

Did visit and felt like complete phony (this happens a lot recently) since I'm kind of leaving so when I say I'll see you soon I know this is a lie. That being said at this rate I'll never hand my notice in and still be waiting to swap jobs when I'm 40 and the kids have left and I have empty nest syndrome. Visit was okay in a hokey oh look at the pretty tree (sick bucket noises) and knowing that since it is the season of good will no one actually wants to see a social worker. On a plus note I only have to go to work tomorrow and then its the weekend. This appears to be of benefit if you don't know that I got shafted on the Christmas staff percentages deal and know that I am not taking any time off at Christmas and have to man (or woman or if you want to go totes PC then person) the office all by my lonesome. So two whole weeks of office shenanigans all on my own during the Christmas period in an open plan office. I have in advance already arranged (if only in my head) the wheel round the office in the fastest time on my chair race, eat as many mince pies without throwing up and prank "Hi this is Santa I want a refund" calls. I don't say this often but I think this may actually be the first official time when I miss my old job, don't get me wrong I got to do this in my old office but at least I had company so appeared slightly less deranged at the time. Hubby is taking me away for the weekend or I didn't do ANY Christmas shopping so lets do it in a BUSY bustling city where I can at least wash the stink of it off in a real live bath. I did tell hubby as soon as mentioned the B A T H (interesting that I spelt that out like a  dirty word which considering that it is kind of dirty is I think apt)
word that as soon as we check in I'm getting in that sucker (the bath not hubby) and screw the Christmas or other shopping and that he is on his own! He wasn't amused but I was only half listening anyway!

So tomorrow is the works party and the secret santa stuff and the bring and share. Not in the mood for any of that because well I just don't feel a part of the team plus I managed to pull someone who the only thing I know anything about is that they are vegetarian. Although in fairness there is only one person on the team that I know anything about and she left (TRAITOR). So tomorrow is going to mainly involve grinning and bearing it, unless I can come up with a cataclysmic disaster which means I can avoid the whole thing and if my secret santa hates what I got her then she can regift and I won't be offended. Additionally less than excited about whatever who got me gets me because they didn't take the time to know me either... therefore today's prediction is box of biscuits or smellys. If I get smellys it'll be because of the whole pickled onion disaster I just know it. On the subject of smelly, the office had no water today, but they sent round a lovely email about being a boy you could still pee (In the woods I assume) and a girl you could walk like 10 miles and have a pee. Then they sent an email to advise that just because the water is sludge brown like errrm poo doesn't mean you can't use it. I gave it a miss and went home.

Learnt new concept today that amused me highly which I think is called the crazy hot scale. The theory being that you can be crazy, hot or both but there are significant consequences for being crazy mad. The hotter you are the crazier it is acceptable to be, however the more crazy you are affects your hotness so it is both a negative and positive scale. This was explained to me via interpretive dance and a linear graph (or it would have been if their was vodka and pens) but I got the gist. I did try to pretend not to be offended that I rank a 9 on the crazy, which as I pointed out on the basis I have never to this day actually been sectioned be much much lower like you know a 7, but then I was ego boosted (because explainee is neither an idiot or have a death wish) with a hot rating of actually I wasn't listening I was incensed by the crazy but in my head it was a 10 on hotness. There was not an actual picture so thanks to the power of paint I present the crazy hotness scale based on my own inner perception


DRUM ROLL.....

Okay now that I offended the entire population and increased my virtual dislikes, being the 18th December all day it's time for the quarterly review of 33 things I haven't achieved... (you know just to pretend I might still be doing this)

1) Have pole dancing lessons... Clearly I was drunk when I suggested this in the first place... I need to lose the assigned 33 pounds before I go near a pole again.
2) Go to theme park Nope
3) Make own clothes Unless putting bow ties in my hair counts... still no
4) Learn to love self... progression...
5) Go paintballing No I can bruise myself at home for free
6) Write book and blog... NAILED IT
7) Lose 33 pounds... I'm going for a wee and a weigh in before I comment.. BRB *sobs* lets just agree that I STILL need to lose 33 pounds.
8) Grow hair If you read this crap you will have seen the recent crazy hair issue... I warn you people I am close to breaking on this.
9) Learn to reverse park NO
10) Go on actual holiday clearly a 2014 dream
11) Buy new furniture YES
12) Get butt flush NO
13) Go back to university Kinda since I have a student card and an essay that I'm already putting off.
14) Drink 33 drinks Not yet
15) Grow 33 fruits and veg Too early
16) Learn to cook SOUP? nailed it
17) Meet Brilliant 2014
18) Quit smoking... Stoptober (again)    Fail
19) Play more games Played loads, still a loser
20) Save ( money not games) Fail
21) Have sex 33 times just no
22) Win Man vs. food challenge (to be determined)
23) Read 100 books huge fail, I'm still reading a book I started two months ago
24) Change job pending
25) Watch 33 or more epic films as decreed by Leelou & Dann I tried to watch it's a wonderful life but it's not
26) Own Converse sad face here
27) Sort out mum pending
28) Do lots of RAKING nope but I do have a envelope maker
29) Have kitten Acheived
30) Glamp (with Essex accent) fail
31) Be Veggie - 33 day minimum  NAILED IT
32) Be Cultural x 3 (or more) I watched the doctor who proms... it's progress
33) Get 33 different catchphrases ( and record them on video) does fuck it all to hell count?

and finally because I spent the entirety of this post singing "your an asshole"