*all names (except my own, hubbys, mums, girl child's, boy childs and infact anyone who hasn't as yet slapped me with a restraining order) have been changed to protect identity's... Bombshell grey girl may occasionally be referred to as BSGG for clarity sake...
See above for accurate description of how I feel.... if I could draw better there would have been daemons, scenes from SAW, doom and gloom.... actually there would have been this...
Also if you were of my ERA and a bit of a girl nerd / geek / totes depressive emo (even though we didn't have them then) you'd know that the whole raining on me thing is a TRAVIS thing (I may have had no friends but I knew how to pick a depressing sound track to hang out on my own with)
Oh and for the record YES I did lie more than a few times when I was 17... mainly about being or not being a virgin and other associated peer pressure subjects...
I digress as normal (nothing new there peeps) so anyway THIS REALLY weird thing happened when I woke up on Saturday.... I woke up undisturbed, no boy child showering, no insistent beep beep of crappy alarm clocks that I usually smash into the wall.... did have very weird dreams about my hubby being cold all night because he had no duvet (turns out I didn't dream that and it was true but that is a whole other story) I just woke up... BEST SLEEP EVER and sort of best wake up ever... (YES I still did the whole body limb check only the CRAP I'm still alive part was missing).. so I kind of sprung out of bed... feeling a bit unsure about who I was and why I existed.... I sang (admittedly BADLY) songs for two hours straight... okay I didn't manage a whole song because as hubby likes to continually point out I don't have the attention span to learn a whole song or for my mind not to get distract... OOOH SHINY! but I did produce what can only be described as a medley of songs that I do think I know.. which included; (some of)
- morning is broken, (well it was)
-Loving you is easy cos your beautiful (but I only remembered the screechy part)
-Private Dancer (which involved me gyrating all over the front room - girl child said she would pay me to stop)
- It's all about you (or me in my version because I am egocentric)
- Shalom (except hubby said there was no peace that morning)
- The whole of the CHER album (but in a one sentence at random from each song but to the theme of do you believe in love)
- I've been to the year 3000 (but I could only remember that your great great great granddaughter... is pretty fine)
- I know a song that'll get on your nerves (which is when I got a bit nervy that hubby was going to have a breakdown)
-100 green bottles (but I got bored after 98 and went back to private dancing... "I'm your private dancer, a dancer for money and any old money will do..." I'll let you work that one out for yourself)
and well anything else that my brain decided was cool..... because people SINGING (even badly) is cool...
Hubby and mum didn't quite know what to make of all the singing and what can probably be described as nervous energy, I couldn't sit still for love nor god, I didn't want to use the PC or watch telly... I just wanted to do stuff and I wanted to do it right now... NOW NOW NOW... they had whispered conversations (in which they really need to practice their stage whispering because its way too loud) about what the pay back was going to be to all this happy?.... I ignored them and began on a series of sunshiny songs (think walking on sunshine, the sun has got his hat on...)
Decided I needed to drink an insane amount of apple juice (your going to get where this is going because. ... apple juice like singing and bow ties is.... ----------------- YES COOL) so dragged hubby to shop to buy munchies and stuff.... got into weird conversation about rudeness because he now has achieved level whatever more than a geek is with his new gaming in the car music... got home and then discussed smiling, which is a weird new concept since I can't smile because I think I have horrible teeth, but turns out when you actually pay attention to your hubby he can't smile either... so I taught him how to smile and he spent the rest of the time pissing himself (laughter not literally don't want people getting the wrong impression)
How to smile (c) T King (Tab.it.HA) 2014
After all this fun and also hubby getting a bit cross and not really knowing to cope with me and asking if Bombshell Grey Girl was coming over anytime soon so he could have a break... I decided that I couldn't be this.... I have no actual word for this feeling.... and be all manky looking with the crazy hair... again I wanted to be pretty and I needed to be pretty right now.... hubby said (I think purely for respite purposes) how about a hair cut.... and I decided that what with the crazy mad afro hair of late that it wasn't a bad idea.... TRUE one of my 33 things is to not cut / faff / screw with my hair but a trim is like ok right...?
DA NA I have a fringe (explanation about fringes up coming) and actually you know what, I am kind of pretty now, and even better the weird demented trying to be a pond ginger that I had going on, looks so much better now.... I am definitely Amelia worthy..., it's like I should always have had a fringe to make things right.... came home and admired self well quite a lot, made mum and hubby admire me too, till they got fed up and then I went and disturbed the boy and girl child. Girl child threw strop about how she always wanted a fringe (SINCE WHEN?) and how unfair the whole world was and Boy child said "what have you done with my mum?" which I am still unclear over whether this was a compliment or insult....
I decided the best way to explain it to him was in terms of The Doctor... it was like being all David Tennant... "I don't want to go" (sob) and then being all Matt Smith if I had been a time lord on Saturday I would have totally been experiencing regeneration... He finally got it when I said you remember how a few weekends ago you threw yourself around the house pretending to be Matt Smith and trying to work out how he doesn't have back ache? I feel like that....
So I was in a bloody good all round mood (Hubby says if its the vitamin D already then that was the best £1 he ever spent but does pound-land do downers too?) which is when BSGG came to play... She wasn't really sure of what to make of regenerating talking 200 miles an hour waving my arms around Tabs, but she did bring her own tea bags, craft stuff and awesomeness (I made her leave the bombshell grey paint at home). AND the most AWESOME (and lose a finger) guillotine in the whole world (for paper not heads)... I was a bit frightened by it at first and completely massacred all of her pretty card until I got the hang of it and demanded my own X-CUT (big up hubby for being awesome)
I've been swap-botting for a while now and really enjoy making prettys and sending them off and getting pretty mail back, so I managed to enthuse BSGG into this whole fad, but because she needed the points for a good reputation she signed up to the single most ugly swaps ever! Like a button fairy which I am sorry is the creepiest thing ever.... She's quite crafty my mate and well she has quite good taste, but jeez she makes some fugly fairies, I think her heart wasn't really in it. In fact she said, when hers arrived she wasn't going to open it, it's so creepy she's just going to send it straight to my house... (seems a bit harsh). It was bad to start off with, and then in her attempt to make it errrm better it just got fuglier.... some how she thinks sticking a feather out of it's head would make things better (WRONG)
BSGG considered writing an apologetic note along with the fugly (I mean fairy) about how she was new at this and she was sorry it was so hideous, but then hubby and I pointed out that what if the recipient thought it was the raddest (god is that even still a word?) thing ever and loved it and there she was slagging it off... She decided to "improve" it with a hanging hook so the new owner could hang it in her room of clearly demented and ugly things...Hubby pointed out that all he could now envisage was that scene from Se7en with the guy with all the air fresheners.... some woman somewhere with a room full of freaky fairy's.... this was enough to set BSGG into the kind of hysteria she gets into where other people want to wet themselves and she has to grope around for her inhaler
Anyhoo despite the fugly's a good time was had by all until MUM pointed out the time and said it was time for bed. I didn't clean up the mess because I am a grown up and don't have to...
And finally because I do like a good theory... I am proud to present.... DEPRESSION HAIR (c) T King (Tab.it.HA) 2014...
Mum says (and she is wise) that people with fringes are not happy people, or at least not secure people because they need something to hide behind (or words to that effect) however throughout my periods of low mood / depression / mania my hair has been decidedly crap....
AFRO hair = pissed of and miserable, but to apathetic to deal with it also eats hair brushes and makes me feel even worse about everything
Cousin IT hair = Awesome for hiding behind, bit obvious that I am feeling anti-social, hate people and the world... also after not washing is a bit gross it all hanging in my face all limp and pathetic (like said mood)
Didn't sleep for a WEEK hair = mildly amusing now but not then. Like I had been dragged through an bunch of really angry bushes with teeth and claws, barely survived a zombie apocalypse... still shows off crappy old person bald spot adding to funk
Fringe Hair = acceptable length in which to hide behind as required but also enhancing of totes awesome cheek bones and goes well with a bow tie...
ALL this time I thought I was depressed... I simply needed a fringe... and yes I will be writing to the NHS to give them hair therapy advice or as I like to refer to it as
Fringerapathy... (c) T King (Tab.it.HA) 2014
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