That being said in my path of doing nothing, I feel that this was entirely earned today, as today was implant removal day. Which if you are not a big girly wuss pants is not in fact a big deal/day, but I am afraid of anything remotely medical (I can't even watch casualty or Holby city), blood, needles, bandages and more specifically (thanks to recent events) hospitals. So I have spent the majority of the day stressing myself out with what could go wrong stories, imagining needles and blood and chainsaws (must stop watching random Netflix horror movies) and working myself up. Mum said I needed to keep my blood sugar levels up to prevent the inevitable passing out so I ate an éclair just to be sure. Also had small moment of panic when remembered I wouldn't be able to shower for two days after and couldn't find actual implant in arms. Decided after much talking to myself that even my own body would not have digested it no matter how hungry and that maybe it had migrated up into my armpit. This resulted in emergency shaving as I did not want the poor nurse to have to scrabble around in my under managed armpit jungle. Then as I had wound myself up into a state of where the implant had gone, I attempted some moves of gymnastic proportions to find it, which was very difficult to explain to boy child. Eventually located it where it was originally put and marked with pro-marker in proactive helping the nurse find it way. (Hey they did it to boy child and got the right arm so no harm in being prepared)
But before all that hubby and I got into a debate last night while he was trying to sleep and I was bored. This is never a good combination because when I want to chat, he gets annoyed because apparently beds are for sleeping and sex (sometimes at the same time) but NOT according to him chatting. Also when I want to chat that means I want to start an arguement about some socially related issue so I can tell him that he knows nothing about anything and that this is why he works with computers and I work with people. (Okay at least 5% at the time I work with people). I also highlighted to him the importance of "chat" and that its what normal couples do when they go to bed because it allows them to grow and develop as people and couples. He said he would love the chance to grow and develop but that when I want to chat it means I want to talk endlessly without listening to anything he has to say and to just be right. (This may be true but there was no way in hell I was going to confess to this). I am nothing if not persistent, so I baited him into a conversation about the human rights act, informing that his opinion doesn't count for anything and that he really needed to work on his conversational skills. There may have been a few minutes where if you didn't know us you would think we were having a full blown argument (which for the record if we were I would have been winning) but seeing as it resulted in him going to sleep before grumbling about bloody annual leave and being restless and disturbing all us sane normal people with real jobs, and me sulking downstairs with Bridget. On that note I have gone off Bridget *SPOILERS* and her dead Mr Darcy because she is not as much fun as she used to be.... plus I can see more of myself in her than ever before and I do not like it....
Hubby came home to pick me up and take me for the removal of the implant (because even when he's all fake cross he does know there are some things I am not brave enough to face alone) and took me via the animal shelter where we met ADIPOSE the kitten. I have to put this in capitals because me and said hubby are having another debate (there is a lot of debating going on in this household these days, I blame the implant) about the kitten's name. They said he was shy and timid (ADIPOSE not hubby) and that he does not like to be fussed, shows what they know because not only is he the cutest bundle of fluff he was begging for attention and to be taken home (note to self: buy cat tent cutest thing ever aside from ADIPOSE) so he is currently half rescued as we have to do lots of visits to the shelter with the small people to ensure that he is a good match and for our landlord to say that yes we can have him. I am very excited about this, even if I have to debate with hubby some more.
Animal shelter was great distraction from implant removal. Which I was late for due to all the kitten fussing. Hubby threw me out the car while I ran through the hospital like a crazed person and apologised profusely for my lateness. Had most excellent nurse who understood when I said things in high pitched voice along the lines of
"I'm a bleeder I need to lie down"
"Don't talk to me just do it"
" Oh god I am going to vomit if you keep doing that"
All of these things are true, but she took it in her stride and was very professional, keeping me talking and distracting me, Hubby burst through the door after fighting with the receptionist about data protection just as I was losing my cool, calm, collected state and I yell "talk at me before I pass out". I naturally forgot that asking him to chat was a recipe for disaster as he froze like a deer in the headlights. See I knew he needed to practice this chatting thing more, luckily the nurse who was pulling and cutting and doing god knows what to the sound of a dripping tap distracted me with talk about cars of all things. This worked for a while until my brain started pointing out the fact that she had during this time got a chair to sit down in, and it appeared to be taking longer than usual. This was when I began to have a panic attack / pass out / vomit all of the above. Also weird anaesthetic thing that makes your arm all numb and dead weight eventually gets to your brain and makes everything weirder. I also talk a lot (yes I know) but a lot more and in dolphin when I am beginning to panic and cannot remember what else I said other than is it over yet? Finally it was indeed over which is when the nurse said "I didn't want to tell you this while I was doing it...." Heart stopping moment... why do they do that? If I didn't want to know then I don't want to know now.... nah ah! But she continued with, I didn't think I was going to be able to get it out (Hubby later chimes in with she's not very good with a scalpel for a nurse) so you will experience some severe bruising, and I wouldn't remove the bandage for a few days just to be sure, and you'll probably scar but it is out. I did my vomit face (see I knew I didn't want to know). Clearly she had been listening to the liable to pass out on the floor and knock myself out like the previous time I went through this, and entertained me with sexual health talk like cutting off hubby's bits or mine, before thrusting condom's at me. I have already asked this today as it has been a long time since I had to use these darn contraptions and I noted that she gave me mint flavoured ones, I am a little concerned about putting them in my lady garden, because I imagine (not that I have tried this) that it would be like putting mouthwash down there, but I was too embarrassed, vomit worthy and fainty to ask. Therefore I asked my oracles on the web, and have been advised that I should (I believe) lick them first before taking the plunge, and that if they taste like after eights I will probably be ok. Libido has not kicked in yet, so I think when that actually happens I may leave the mint ones till last.
^^^^^^^ My duck faced injured selfie, proving that I have indeed been to battle. Not actually that easy to take a photo with a dead, achey, sore and bruised arm, but god loves a trier.
Mum can't handle the prospect of two Virgo's with damaged left limbs, so threatened to drink the hurricane supplies, luckily she still hasn't mastered child proof lids so my supplies were in tact (I am drinking them now)
She did take pity on me and make me yum scrum cheese and onion puffs and courgette and carrot salad
Remembered that it is NaNoWriMo in November and that if I am going to achieve this writing a novel thing that this is probably a good opportunity, plus I say I'm going to do it every year and then don't. Luckily because I love to prove other people wrong and have fellow writing buddy (who makes plans and drafts and is a professional) I am fully signed up and ready to go, what is 1667 words a day between friends? Plus I am in full procrastination wing it mode.
Finally we have had this picture for years and I have hated it for all of that time. But before I found this picture it had a giant snow tiger on top, which I didn't like because it looked at me the whole time and this has caused much discussion (thats different to debate) with hubby who loves it. I actually got it down so that I could do my Dr Who puzzle on it, the tiger fell out and I found this underneath, which I very much love and think will be fabulous in patchworked front room. Now all I have to do is convince hubby that he loves it too, or that he loves the walls enough to stop me from hanging it up and do it for me :)
Tomorrow mum has a job interview and another trip to the dentist, which could make for some amusing blogging, provided she remembers to do the right thing in the right one since they are next door to each other.
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