Monday 21 October 2013

Bloody Hospitals, Halloween, Birthdays and Lesbianism.

Well you leave hospital with one and you end up going back with another. So I had planned a nice prepared approach to this whole halloween thing as well as making birthday cakes like a domestic goddess and basically delivering it all with my calm and collected demeanour. Turns out 33 hasn't changed me all that much, and that my small people are clearly in competition with each other...


So it started on Thursday when girl child did drama in which they had to pretend to be dead fishes out of water... personally I would have refused on the grounds of the clearly sick mind set of the teacher but this is how my daughter first injured herself. Now I had been applying my usual parenting approach of just ignoring it until it bleeds excessively, or loses a limb, unfortunately with my mother in the house I have to pay more attention to these things otherwise I end up with an injury myself. (Constant ear ache and ear bleeding until I pay her attention, she's just another small person in a significantly longer and taller body)

After she started being violently ill everywhere I decided that this fit into my parenting categories of ill, resulting in a call to the old NHS who ask the damn weirdest questions. I will admit to nearly choking and dropping the phone when they asked if she was pregnant... long story short we ended up rushing to the hospital.



Hubby and Girl Child waiting...


She's so brave


To be fair if I had to stare at humpty dumpty falling off the wall at 13 years of age for more than 4 hours I would have looked pretty pissed off too.... Much pacing and waiting, and poking and prodding and then alarming talk of Gall Stones and Appendicitis and surgeons and over night stays. Eventually (oh about 11.30pm) they decided she has "merely" twisted a muscle in her stomach, and we have to wait a week to see if it gets any better... cue sick buckets and those stupid hats on the way home. Bless her she was wiped out by the time we got home so she went to bed and actually fell asleep. Today she has been poorly once but looks a little less peaky.... which is fine except I have to take boy child back to the hospital tomorrow instead... (yay!)




Now today is my mother's birthday, and I had planned to be a little more organised but the previous day's events didn't really allow for this. My mum is like a big kid on her birthday and she got very excited opening this particular present. As she pointed out its been a long time since she sat down and got to open presents on her real actual birthday.


Chocolate makes her happy, peanut butter and chocolate makes her ecstatic... she didn't offer to share....


This present was amusing because I am a firm believer that you should not give white goods as birthday presents unless you want them wrapping around you head.... needless to say I told her that hubby chose it in case she did indeed take offense... She burst into excited seal noises (complete with clapping and whisker rubbing) and then howled; with what I can only describe as hysteria, as she exclaimed that if one of her hubbys had given her this she'd have killed them (and you wonder where I get it from) but now she can have frothy coffee galore and she's going to whisk the heck out of everything... (remind me to stay out of the kitchen until the novelty wears off)

Now in an overtired not hungover state, while trying to manage girl child, work from home and organise a kids halloween party I realised I needed to make a cake (I actually realised it last night but was worried I would burn the house down and we do not need a joint family visit to a and e thank you very much) So I made one red velvet cake and one chocolate which based on the facebook phenomenon which is my mum and those bloody pink boots meant I had to make them in cake form.... Now I would normally indulge you people by giving a long descriptive disaster filled account of this cake making, but I used up any remaining energy parenting and running halloween parties. Basically somehow I turned the above..


Into this, now it's not perfect and if I had more time I would have virgoed all over it and made it perfect... but it was as close as I was getting with the time allowed.... plus I did eat 3 packets of strawberry laces (I needed the sugar people)


When I discovered we had no candles I did have a moment of panic, but hubby (in his tin foil suit) rose to the occasion and improvised me a nice 2... I mean 5... because he thinks like a boy....

Mum was very pleased (and she just let me have a slice and it was quite yummins)

After this I had to dash off and do cubby halloween things, I am very pleased that after all my cutting, glueing, pasting and conning mum into making globby, gloopy messes that I freaked out 11 of the 12 cubs that turned up today. The last one being ASD who told me exactly what the items were in a very matter of fact manner... thankfully I anticipated this and made him go last so as not to ruin the fun for everyone.

Decided once I walked through the door, (that I would like to have some normal no stress days please) that since I missed the weigh in yesterday to weigh tonight... turns out small children in hospital / vegetarianism and french roast hair aid weight loss (it's still bloody ginger but I'll cover that tomorrow) and I now officially weigh 12st 5 (I didn't have the camera handy so you'll have to take my word for it) so I have lost another 3lb this week (which is 5 in total only 28 more to go)...

I'll end by saying that when I announced this loss to my mother (smugly I might add) that it was because I am getting all this roughage now that I am a lesbian....... no vegetarian.... It was all she could do not to spit her tea into her keyboard...

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