Reasons NOT to lend girl child borrow my phone... These are just two of the "selfies" that she decided to take and use up my phone memory with, that in itself I can live with apart from the fact I've spent the entire day trying to work out exactly what is wrong with my camera and why my pictures are all the way they are, just now she informs me (while peering over my shoulder at my blog in case she should appear in it) that she left the filter on....
Turns out this vegetarianism thing goes to your average meat eaters head... that or those mushrooms are seriously funky... Girl child and I got into a highly amusing (at the time) mushroom war in which I cut faces into her mushrooms (because I am a good mother like that) and then she gave them voices and protested their rights not to be eaten. At the time I was additionally chopping up mushrooms for my lunch and so her mushroom face was apparently distraught by this and began crying (I did mention I'm a good mother right?) so I retaliated by cutting off his "face" and eating it. Thus ended the mushroom rights debating society!
I should point out that I am still deaf, and that once again I didn't hear any of my alarms and woke up on the stroke of late. I am still amazed at my self skill to shower, brush my teeth, cuss excessively, half fall down the stairs while pulling my tights on, shout at boy child, loose my keys and purse, grab my lunch and make it out of the door all in the space of five minutes. Boy I'm going to miss that skill in later life. So I make the morning drive to work up the motorway with Green day blaring at the sound of jungle drums and elephant wails when a little (and I say little because of the hearing loss) voice piped up and announced I needed to turn left... Now in my experience of driving to work up the aforementioned motorway it is pretty much a straight line, no left turns required, on top of this my phone has been giving me the silent treatment since I dropped it in my birthday tea so I was pretty sure it wasn't Mr Siri (or as I like to call him Mr Sex Voice On A Phone MSVOAP when I can't be bothered to pronounce it in full). I did get a little concerned at this point that maybe I had smuggled one of the small people on board or that like in those horror movies a mass murder had climbed into the back while I was loading the boot with all my crap. Well there is nothing and I mean nothing like being late for work, with little voices becoming more insistent that you turn left and fearing that your going to have to pull over, be marched into the Forrest (there isn't one on the M5 but you know what I mean) and brutally murdered by an unidentified person. Now as most of you will know I'm not the most confident of drivers (well parkers) at the best of times, and nothing in either my driving test, or road safety manual prepared me for these kind of events. So I applied the rule of logical thinking, keep driving with all the windows fully closed, blast up the heat and hope that whoever is in the back will dehydrate, pass out and I can deal with it when I get to work. Which is exactly what I did.... and probably the reason that I now am the proud owner of a stinking cold. Obviously on arrival to work when the voices had stopped I cautiously peered into the back to discover nothing but the pile of shoes I always have in there. So I assumed that it was just a voice on the CD (since hearing voices in my head is not something I readily admit to) went to my meeting in very professional inside out cardigan, shoes on the wrong feet manner. Only to realise half way through VERY important meeting when a much louder voice announced TURN LEFT at the next exit that my phone had indeed decided to start talking to me again. Much relief washed through me, even though I wanted to die of embarrassment, because explaining that I thought there was a murderer in my car in a professional meeting is just not the done thing. (I did it anyway so that about sums up my morning)
(stupid filter)
Still sticking with this salad in a jar thing, which is still pretty and if I'm honest it does make me want to eat salad way more than if I had just shoved it into my lunch box and then looked at it all sad when it was time to be eaten. Discovered apple trees at work that were dropping apples all over the floor, which made me sad because they would just go to waste, I pondered for a while about whether it was "socially" acceptable to pick them up and take them home for apple pie, so much so I had to get confirmation from my facebook buddies that it was OK, before filling two carrier bags full and screw anyone who thought I was mad.... it's not mad its frugal and apples cost a lot more than free in the store (well unless your my mother who thinks five finger discount is an excuse at her age).
Got the odd feeling that I was being given the silent treatment at work this afternoon, call me paranoid (paranoid) but there are somethings deaf or not I can pick up and being ignored and yet talked about is one of them. Four whole hours it took for me to work it out, and when I say work it out I do not mean in a detective Miss Marple / Jessica Fletcher / Diagnosis murder kind of way but because an email arrived in my in tray which was clearly a discussion about my "potential leaving" between admin lady and my boss, only admin lady had "accidentally" sent it to the rest of the team. Was I pissed? you freaking bet your ass I was... I wanted to take those bags of apples and shove them up certain people's asses among other places (that have yet to be invented) but that solved that, so now I'm just going to work from home for the next half a year until I change job, then they can all ignore me to their hearts content...
Decided that I didn't have the effort to actually make two meals or the effort tonight (also realised that photo filter makes my cooking look way better) so I made baked bean lasagna, or as this picture evidences cheese with a few beans... it was yum but I feel the need to do some more research on the cooking front because so far my entire existence as a veggie involves carbs and cheese... so when I weigh in on Sunday I'm really not expecting a loss of any kind...
Hubby decided that my jokes about his hair hurt his feelings (awwww) and ruined all of my fun by having it cut.... this is no means the best picture of him, because now he looks like a Thunderbird (well I always wanted to be Penelope) and can I add that yes he is in fact wearing a penguin onesie because hes just that damn cool.
and finally a review of the list....
2) Go to theme park To do
3) Make own clothes To do
4) Learn to love self... To do
5) Go paintballing To do
6) Write book and blog... To do
7) Lose 33 pounds... Weigh in on Sunday.... not likely
8) Grow hair Well I haven't cut or coloured it since my birthday so so far its going great guns :)
9) Learn to reverse park To do
10) Go on actual holiday To do
11) Buy new furniture We have new to us sofa so this is done (YAY ME)
12) Get butt flush Based on the vegetarianism effect I may not actually require this
13) Go back to university Aha now I didn't exactly mean this when I said it, but I am a student of Bournemouth university and getting real university credits towards a masters and I do have a student ID card so I think this is kind of covered?
14) Drink 33 different drinks Vodka / Blue WKD / Red WKD (still a way off then)
15) Grow 33 fruits and veg To do
16) Learn to cook Believe me I'm trying my best here
17) Meet Brilliant To do
18) Quit smoking... Stoptober (again) I think I may have to revise this to quit smoking since Octobers nearly a write off!
19) Play more games To do
20) Save ( money not games) To do
21) Have sex 33 times To do (and not all at once)
22) Win Man vs. food challenge To do
23) Read 100 books To do (I nearly finished a whole one)
24) Change job In progress :)
25) Watch 33 or more epic films as decreed by Leelou & Dann To do
26) Own Converse To do
27) Sort out mum In progress, we have dentists, hospital and job interviews all in the next week
28) Do lots of RAKING To do
29) Have kitten To do
30) Glamp (with Essex accent) To do
31) Be Veggie - 33 day minimum Day 4 people day 4
32) Be Cultural x 3 (or more) To do
33) Get 33 different catchphrases ( and record them on video) After last nights gogglebox I'm really feeling that Bonzo is going to have to be one....
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