Friday's, Food obsessions and Jerking..

Now I will warn you before we proceed any further with the actual reading of today's episode that somewhere in this post there is much discussion on the small people's views on masturbation, so if this offends I recommend shutting your browser down now, if you are however brave enough to venture onward, for the love of you computer / phone / ipad / other technology do not take a drink when I venture onto this subject.. (provided I can do it in the justice it deserves)



It's FRIDAY thank god (who I'm still not sure if I believe in), because to be honest these week day things are really dragging themselves out... Now I often wish that I didn't do the job I do, because then I could amuse the entire world with my days without worrying about confidentiality and professionalism and all the other values and ethics that are involved in my job description. One day as I have promised the world, when I retire or change career I will write a journal about my experiences but while I want to keep my job I'll have to stick with vagueness... Lets just say that for all the media and people that hate Social Services and others that hate SW's and think that we do nothing or don't care, I would argue my case by simply stating (or not it is me after all) that I spent the majority of today running over various areas in the county (and as a general rule I do not run but I did today) getting into arguments (and I was still right) and generally attempting (while using unconditional positive regard) to improve the quality of life for an individual. After all of this I then came home and had a drink (a large one see above) because I will now even after 5pm spend the rest of the weekend stressing about what will happen for that individual....

So I'm going dawwwwwwwwwwn Souuffff tomorrow to pick up the mother, so I decided that since that will take the best part of a day that I couldn't be faffed having to cook when I got home, so I prepared mine and Alaska's Sunday lunch

Yummy Yum Yum

Now this is what we are aiming for, and aside from the fact I had no fennel, ricotta or polenta (and yes I did make hubby drive all over the village in an attempt to find these mystery ingredients) I actually followed the recipe for real this time...

See look its sooooo pretty..... Hubby ground the spices because my wrists are not playing today... could be the rain... could be the running....

So I successfully made this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^... and I am a freaking genius....

Into this ^^^^^

I am officially renaming it Who Pie, or Don't Blink Pie or (and this is my personal favourite) The Angels have the pie (yes yes only the Whovian's among you will get that one but trust me it's funny in its own right) and I'm feeling pretty damn smug about it actually.... Now I would do an epic fail moment (which I know we are all expecting) but until I actually cook it on Sunday we are going to have to chart it as a pretty okayish sucess... at least presentation wise right... if this pie was on dancing on ice or America's top model... it would totally be worth a 10. On the inside (which incidentally is bigger) we will have to wait until Sunday....

Now I consider this pie to be triumph not only in the 3 hours it took to cook but because during this


WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING

(If you didn't believe the original warning at the beginning of this post NOW is the time to look away)

I "may" (it's open to interpretation I was there you were not) have called the girl child a Jerk (she was being, trust me) which to my (I have no idea why) surprise Girl child responds with I'm not a jerk, I don't jerk, jerking is for boys. Now I would have in another life responded differently... but no NOT me, I asked what she meant by that.... and I still managed to make the pie..

Here is a brief transcript of the rest of the discussion... *shudders*

The Great Jerk Off (c) Tabitha King 2013 (or you couldn't make this shit up)

(characters as follows: girl child GC, boy child BC, hubby H and Tabs Me)

GC: you know jerking, its what boys do

Me: no no I don't know

GC: you know ejacyou thingy, where the stuff comes out

H: hang on a min, jerking that's when boys ejaculate is it?

Me: Let me get this right, jerking its only for boys is it?

GC: well yeah, girls don't have anything to jerk do they?

Me: (slightly uncomfortable) so we are saying this is a boy subject are we?

GC: well durrrr

Me: Over to you Hubby...

H: So your saying that Jerking is for boys are you?

GC (who does actions) well yes, they do don't they and then the stuff comes out and...

H: are you talking about wanking

GC: ERMERGERD

H: or masturbation? (god he's so grown up)

GC: Well they are all different innit

H: how so?

(Please note at this point I am making snorting noises and trying not to choke)

GC: well jerking is when they (insert hand movements here) and stuff comes out, wanking is like well I dunno and masturbation well ONLY boys do that...

H: So only boys masturbate?

GC: yes girls don't have anything do they

Enter BC

H: BC do you jerk?

BC: *goes very quiet and mumbles probably wishing he had stayed up stairs* Yes (I am guessing this is what he said based on reaction)

GC: ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting, oh I'm so glad I'm a girl and we don't do that kind of thing

Me: *much eyebrow raising and patting GC on the head*

H: GC boys may be the only ones who can jerk but everyone and I do mean everyone masturbates

*SILENCE*.

GC: even you?

H: Even me

GC: ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting!  I wish I hadn't started this conversation (oh god me too)

H: as you get older you will find these things out, but it's probably best not to take the playground talk too seriously

GC: (she can be a bit slow sometimes) so hang on... girls masturbate? how?

H: (finally looks uncomfortable) well you'll figure that out for yourself

GC: is this like fingering?

Me: *splutter*  (nearly dropped my weeping angel no pun intended)

GC: because there is NO way I'm putting my fingers anywhere near that... god when I grow up I'm NEVER going to do that... that is gross, gross... gross... oh how disgusting.

BC: Well girl's can't do that anyway... girls don't get pleasure, that's boys, that's why they do what they do..

(out of the mouths of babes people, and we wonder why men don't understand women??)

Me: BC I will remind you of this when you bring home a wife

GC: I refuse to believe that, any of that is true.... I'm going to wash my hands....

Which just leaves me to come to the conclusion that my small people are growing up too fast, there are finally some discussions that I am uncomfortable having, that my hubby is far more mature than I am, that my son is going to be a "typical boy" and my daughter sexually repressed or at least shouting ERMERGERD that's deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusting!   every time she "engages" with a member of the opposite sex (boy is she in for an education) and may develop an affinity for alcohol gel ... I am also concerned that I may not have heard the last of this conversation.....

Swiftly changing subjects I decided that it was time for veggie pizza... (see below which was again a triumph)... Butternut Squash / pineapple / red onion / sweetcorn / Mushroom and mozzarella....(if you were wondering and still trying to recover from the above part of my blog)