Now with a title like that I wouldn't blame you for thinking I was referring to a hangover post birthday haze... from a vodka induced coma created the night before... you would be wrong, since today was the day that I was awoken by mother (in her own drug induced pre dentist coma) ringing me from her bed (direct to mine) to tell me that the girl child needed to go to the hospital.... now since i spent a large portion of last night downloading this I.OS.7 that everyone keeps banging on about I do admit to confusing the phone call with my alarm clock that I chose to snooze.... it was only after ooooh 20 minutes of hubby slamming around and stating that "It's fine I'll take her to the hospital.... mumble mumble bang something intelligible about damn rush hour traffic.. mumble mumble" that I realised that actually you can't snooze an injured from abandoning you mother (I might add) girl child when she needs taking the hospital... seriously thought about going in cow onesie but decided that I really didn't need an interview with social services at the hospital about my suitability to parent that I ought to get dressed... which I did in a no fag, no cup of tea, jeans inside out, no bra kind of way (should have stuck with the onesie). As we charge down the road to the nearest hospital in one of my more clearer moments I announce that there is a closer hospital and why are we going this way? (in a cute but innocent kind of way) which is when hubby (also no fag or coffee or other stimulant unless you are into cow onesies) and I had a minor dispute (okay I shouted and swore blind I knew where we were .. LIE) about hospitals which resulted in that thing I do where I sulk slightly.... anyhoo got to hospital.. which one of the good things about opening at 8 and being in a sulk meant we were the first ones there....
We were almost immediately seen by quite a cross looking nurse (girl child suggested maybe she updated her iPhone too and mixed up phone calls with alarm clocks) and (sorry hubby) a quite attractive paramedic (okay fine HOT as hell as is the way when you are braless at 33 and got your clothes on back to front kind of way)... now for some reason every-time we see a medical professional (which is not that often thank you very much) girl child sort of retreats / regresses into this battered child routine where the medical professional asks her direct questions and then looks at me before answering as if I'm going to beat her for being wrong... I hate this because my training makes me think if this was a kid I was interviewing I'd wonder what was up with THAT relationship....(its at this moment I am glad that I bothered attempting to get dressed) anyhoo they poke and prod her and mmm and ahh her (I'm keeping an eye out for the nurse calling social services in and getting ready to say that if she's going to do that just to call my mobile... saves all the hassle in the long run) and then declare she needs an x-ray... only the x-ray department doesn't open until 9 and they have an appointment system and blah blah blah.... Girl child looks even more petrified (which could be translated as petrified of me) and to add insult to injury starts apologising for hurting herself to me... and as much as I wanted to drag her out of there (yes I said drag) I couldn't do that either because that is going to just add to the growing evidence my daughter has managed to stack up against me... anyhoo we sit and wait and drink water and the nurse pops her head round the door every few minutes (I'm telling you they've logged my name somewhere I can feel it) before x-ray opens..... girl child had x-ray and we wait and wait and wait (okay it wasn't that long but when professionals are staring at you the whole time and you can't even explain that your a professional too so its ok because of ridiculous backwards braless clothing state... it feels much much longer...)
Cross lady nurse comes out and cuts off girl child's sling (I was mightily amused) announces that nothing is broken but that she is not to do PE for a week or so... (she looked thoroughly disappointed that I had not as previously suspected beaten my child and broken her limbs) and threw us out the door... girl child very pleased at missing double science (well I can't blame her) and no PE.... I think she was going to try and wangle the day off school but thought better of it when I began mothering her (dammit why couldn't that instinct kick in in the hospital?) so she was deposited at school with a tale to tell her mates...
Now I don't like blood, pain, needles or dentists but since the day had already involved most of that, I was most amused to arrive home to find my mother for want of a better phrase... off her face on pills, she has to do this before visiting the dentist because otherwise she doesn't make it to the chair and I have to run up the street after her while assuring people that she is not a convict/ mental patient/ both. Husband also in similar state minus pills (because it would take a tranquilliser gun to put him out) as he is also due an extraction... off he toodles all brave and smug (despite mornings temper tantrum I DID offer to go with him but he manfully refused) and returns about 30 mins later; during which time mum has gone to bed and is having a temper tantrum about not getting out of bed to go to the dentist because she doesn't want to so ner....Mum takes one look at him and does the vomit face (my hubby is not that hideous I swear) and he disappears to spit in the bathroom.. thankfully I think like I type/write/speak/do most things so I saw the horse thinking about bolting and skill fully redirected her to the car to get her to the dentist.... now I will give her full credit she did put on the brave face and stride purposefully into the dentists room, but when I heard a massive inhale of breath and what I believe were words my mother spent the first half of my life forbidding me from saying... i realised it was all an act. She was very brave (so I stole / acquired / borrowed some toothpaste from the waiting room as a reward) .. we went home and she decided to power nap it off..... this meant I had to cook tea... which as fun as that sounds.. isn't when you need to make liquid food that your not sure anyone is going to actually eat... so all in all I spent a vast majority of the day with the NHS and not with my job.... which leads me to conclude that already at 33 I am far more mature than previous years...
Prior to all this in preparedness for my 33 things.. I drew up lots of lists and diagrams and illustrations to show my progress in my tasks, but I didn't achieve any of my things today only one of 33 different drinks which was obviously Vodka (and I haven't coloured it in yet either)
Film list devised by Hubby and Leelou... which carries over to next page and means I will be watching over 33 films they have branded as classics before 34.
33 Drinks (see I did a glass to show it off)
33 days of being a veggie....(not being a vegetable a vegetarian)
33 days of not smoking (which I am going to do in conjunction with Stoptober because I can't have the same experience two years running)
oh and 33 things to grow and not kill ....
I actually have more lists than this but as you can tell from the plush red under my pictures I have taken myself off to bed... being around the sick and wounded is knackering after all...
33 things... of 33 (to come).... progress so far?... still loading...
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