Why I shouldn't ask the small people their thoughts...

So in a fit of I don't actually know but for the sake of argument I'll call it parenting.. I decided to ask the small people to come up with their own lists of what 33 things they thought mum should do... I will admit to heavily editing the boy child's answers which inappropriately included things like "do dad" and "do dad more".. I am unsure at this point as to whether cash changed hands but until I receive confirmation we will gloss over those points..... but here are my small people's lists and my responses...

Girl child 

1 go ice skating (acceptable and doable but I can already sense this list is going to be all about her and how much of my money she can spend)

2 go horse riding (its not that I don't like horses or that they in fact don't like me its just that I don't look that good in jodhpurs and to be fair most of the time I don't know how many hands I have let alone a horse)

3 go on diet (yes okay fine.. mummy is a bit "weighty" it doesn't matter how many times you say no offence or but you don't really need to... I get the hint)

4 go to a zoo (as a spectator or participant?)

5 get kitten (yes)

6 go ski diving (why do people keep wanting to throw me out of planes.... watching my wet myself and hit the ground at god knows how many miles an hour is not amusing... trust me)

7 go skiing (done it.. nearly broke all bones in own body on dry ski slope why would I do it for real... think Bridget Jones)

8 get a better job (either I moan too much and she actually listens or she wants me to earn more money for shopping trips)

9 buy new wardrobe (like me my daughter clearly has a sense of health and saftey and realises that the only thing keeping my wardrobe up is the jamming of the doors in certain positions and using the approach rapidly and grab nearest thing technique)

10 buy new clothes (fine I'm 20 years older than her, clearly fatter than the average money and unfashionable to boot)

11 get a new sofa (agreed... sofa is from the dark ages and even cave men would prefer to sit on rocks than my sofa)

12 make your blog better (because I clearly lived in a time when PC's and the internet didn't exist clearly I have no right to use the internet and especially not without glittery cursors and raining glitter gifs)

13 hug a cow while wearing cow onesie (actually I can see the humour in this one)

14 run a marathon (I'm beginning to think that she saw this list as ways to humiliate my mother)

15 get a facial (aha because I'm that kind of mum)

16 have hair re done (restyle) (clearly still not a yummy mummy)

17 do whole new creative project (that's my girl)

18 climb a mountain (why?)

19 go on a holiday (hint taken we will take a holiday only separately at the same time in different locations)

20 visit Alaska (no self interest there then... oh to be 13)

21 see an eclipse (Edward and Jacob are not going to turn up any more than for the new moon... see I am down with the kids)

22 audition for tv advert (so that she can claim the glory... asssumably it wont be an advert for fashion, diets, hair or facials)

23 be in dr who (I love that she has equal geekality)

24 iron own clothes for a week (I CAN iron its just that I believe in gender equality and its your dad's job)

25 get colonic irrigation ( butt flush) (WHAT?)

26 win the lottery (yes because I can make that happen)

27 buy a new mattress  (which if I felt this was for my benefit I would agree... but I know this is so she can dive on my bed)

28 do man vs food challenge (well this kind of goes against your diet challenge but I could "totes" do this)

29 quit smoking (fair point)

30 buy new table (what so that you can only use it for sticking things to it and leaking your pens on it but refuse to eat dinner from it?)

31 ride an elephant  (errrm why?)

32 go to Drayton manor ride shock waves and apocalypse (I am so much cooler than you give me credit for.... I have no fear)

33 be a unicorn (obviously)

Boy child  (there were many rejections this is the heavily edited version)

1  go to Alton towers (so I can take boy child)

2 go to Drayton manor  (so I can take boy child)

3 learn how to iron (WHAT is this weird child obsession with ironing....????)

4 buy Xbox 360 (so that I can play call of duty with him I'm guessing)

5 Learn how to cook (translation cook more puddings / cakes)

6 eat 20 tubs of ice cream in one go (Ethan will help) (excellent thinking my son)

7 go fishing (not entirely convinced on thought patterns behind this...)

8 organise craft cupboard (team Virgo for the win.... no you can't have any of my "excess" stationary)

9 buy more crafts (I didn't pay him I swear!)

10 con someone (I'm hoping this is as a result of the recent hustle-a-thon and not a sign than my son is going to become a petty thief)

11 give up smoking (again fair point)

12 spend more time with Ethan (guilt trip.... although I'm guessing he means at various theme parks)

13 buy new furniture (I didn't think kids cared about this espesh since he is the major destroyer of said furniture but I agree)

14 take riding lessons ( I asked them these questions separately why do they both want to stick me on a horse?)

15 go back to Uni (apparently I was more fun when I was a student)

16 let Ethan cook roast dinner (have a & e on standby.. either for potential accidents or food poisoning)

17 go swimming (with boy child)

18 go laser tag (with boy child)

19 go bowling (with boy child)

20 eat a massive sandwich with cheese ham lemon curd and jam ( Scooby snack) (I have no idea why but this is the BEST sandwich combination according to boys)

21 dye hair blonde (not sure if this is the onset of hormones or just the desire to boast to friends that I am a MILF?)

22 lose weight (yes yes your sister beat you to it...)

23 get dad to lose weight (well I'm all for equality)

24 go surfing (with boy child)

25 go on holiday (again yes we all need a holiday... separately in different locations)

26 play mine craft (with boy child)

27 organise the shed (you don't even go in there or tidy your own room or did dad pay you to say this?)

28 learn to play football (I could if I wanted to)

29 have a burping and farting contest (really?)

30 learn how to catch (okay I can't catch and I can't throw... I'm a disappointing mother and girl)

31 have spelling contest (Oh it's on!!!)

32 eat 33 hotdogs in 8 minutes (this feels a bit specific... why do I feel I need to do a stock take of the pantry / fridge?)

33 go trick or treating (with boy child)

Well that settles it clearly I require an image overhaul in the form of hair, clothes and weight, smoke too much, need to be a yummy mummy horse riding funster who has holidays and irons more....we shall see...

On another note (and I shamelessly facebooked this early) in the spirit of being 33 and not dictating all of the fun 33 things I shall do in my 33rd year of life.. if your reading this and know me a little or just want a laugh for the commencing 365 days... write me a 33 thing list and email me or PM me via facebook... if I get 33 I will pick one at random from each list and compile it into my 33 things list.... as I said earlier it's got to be worth it for a years worth of laughing along with me ;)