Mum and I have a schedule for working from home days.... I wake up at around the time when it's an hour later than I should have checked in for work, and this is in mutual agreement to mum banging around in the kitchen, rattling the saucepans, singing at the top her voice and chuntering about people who are supposed to work for a living... on hearing this I fall out of bed (still in onesie which most definitely is due a wash by now), fall down the stairs... grunt at mother (who puts the kettle on) and strop out into the garden for my morning nicotine (god knows how we are going to do this come October)... she likes to pretend I am looking at the garden and appreciating nature (which is why we don't speak of a morning) and I like to pretend that I am still asleep... Mum drinks her latte coffee fluff that is her breakfast (only now that she broke my blender this takes longer and requires more noise) like the caffeine addict that she is... and we retreat to our separate parts of the house... the rest of the day is dictated by food, tea breaks, tea breaks while we are waiting for the kettle to boil, biscuits, snacks, elevensies, onesies (food not sleeping gear) and 3 o clockers...oh and intermittent smoke breaks..
Today my mother clearly required cake, since she broke the not speaking in the morning rule by stating that if I didn't cut the damn cake then she bloody would, thrusting tea at me in a aggressive manner and attempting to engage me in meaningful banter (turns out we ran out of real coffee)..
At half past ten.. she declared it cake cutting time.... which since she worked so hard making the beautiful item I agreed to do.... turns out cake is as yummy as it looks except for weird white chocolate painted blue outer layer (that I intend to palm off on boy child)...
(see I have no qualms about embarrassing myself)
See how I skilfully cut it in half... so that i can look at it from the front and pretend that I didn't
I like to think I could have eaten that entire half a cake all 8 layers and frosting and all....
so I was going to just post this and pretend I did.... turns out I am not the cake eater I once was.... but that's ok because based on the current contents of fridge.... its Tardis for breakfast lunch and tea over the weekend.... by the way did I mention that I ate a shed load of blue colouring... which I believe was removed from smarties for a reason.... well it didn't just affect me but my mother who spent the rest of the day bouncing off the walls and giggling ( but that could be the side effects of whatever the hell it was she was on yesterday)
(No one should be this happy or demand to be hung on the wall)
Then the postman came and blew (see what I did there) all my hyper blueness away with this baby... now those of you that pay any actually attention will know that I did this last year... much to the disgust of my colleagues at the time, you will also remember that this was not the funniest few months of my life afterwards.. ( we will classify it as a mental health moment and sweep it gently under the carpet)
But I am nothing if not a quitter... (very droll Tabs nice work there) and figure even though my mum says (frequently) why would you pick up the same stick and beat yourself with it and expect different results? it can't be any worse than the last time... (FYI my mother says a lot of shit like this for example always smell it before you put it in your mouth and that means everything and many a muckle a mickle makes or words to that affect)
And OH look they went to the trouble of changing the motivational calender (errr not) by slapping a 2013 on it... plus this year there is no stress busting no smoking squishy thing (just as well really since I threw the last one at my boss).... but it did come with a *ahem* motivational fridge magnet...
(well what else did you expect me to put????)
Since I originally put the calender on the mantel piece it seemed kind of mandatory that I "accidentally " took a photo of the Dr... which leads on to what else I achieved today... at some point while I was pondering my far more mature and dignified 33 year old self... I decided that organisation was something that was lacking in my life... and I did what any self respecting techno geek would do... GOOGLE... well that was the happiest four hours of my life... people actually organise stuff and have boxes prepared for visitors and stuff.... and they colour co-ordinate.... I was so inspired with fabulous ideas I wanted to spend money on tubs and containers and miniature toothpaste (for visitors actually) and take a nap from the exhaustive research I had conducted...
I sent hubby a text along these lines: (I was inspired I mentioned that right?)
See how much faith he has in me.... and the fact that he can distract me with vodka and fags (once again still currently smoketember) so that little manipulation on both halves meant that he put up my pictures when he got home...
Now I realise that proper grown up people have like ornaments, and flowers and like grown up stuff, but a good friend of mine (and she may not have meant it like this) said I should just be who I am... so I fully embraced the whovian in me and time lorded up my fire place... and I love it....
Since I have achieved nothing on the list (to be published in good course) and had limited food supplies I decided to embrace the learn to cook part of the list... didn't go well... was like one of the those pinteresting moments where it looks fab and if you lob a lot of spice and herbs at it it's going to be amazing (what could go wrong) but in real life its just crud...
see food before I cooked it.... since it took four hours to cook (might need to work on that) it was snatched out from under me before I could prove how terrible it was.... My mother never one to mince her words described it as herring pizza... (trust me I didn't use herrings we didn't have any) and boy child who eats anything abandoned hope after the first mouthful.. which leads me to conclude I may need to redefine the "learn to cook" part of my 33 things... (that being said it still cost less than that 28 quid pig Mr Oliver and I had leftovers that I intend to turn into pizza casserole or some such crap)
Now as much as he says I do, I never intend to humiliate my husband (as evidenced above he does it well enough himself) but he has declared that he is going to start an "anti blog" in which he is going to write an "expose" of me not achieving the 33 things.... I accused him of not having even read my blog which is when he threw an all out war about hot paramedics and being braless in public..... point proven.... just for the record the above picture is him being raptor which is why he couldn't pass me the lighter for my fag...
Now I really must go I have a lot more drinking and posting of stuff on facebook since it's still Friday...
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